Many happy returns

Here I am blogging again. It's been 6 (6!) months since my last blog. Where did time go? So much has happened in my life in those last 6 months. I will be writing about them in the days to come. I will also be filling in the spaces with some posts and interesting things I've come across in the meantime. Isn't social media amazing? Love it or hate it, there truly is a world of information out there. So for today I say, Hello Again! It's good to be back.

The Nature Of

Matter is spirit moving slowly enough to be seen. ~ Teilhard de Chardin

Believe in Miracles!

While they were saying amongst themselves that it cannot be done, it was done. ~Helen Keller
(A refreshing option to all those Helen Keller jokes. You know who you are, Missus M)

If we did the things that we were capable of, we would astound ourselves. ~Thomas Edison

Love Is

No matter how it appears, the world deeply loves you. It may have not realized this yet since most of the world is waiting for someone to love them first. Knowing this perhaps you will be the one informing others how deeply they are loved. In doing so the reality of love may be realized. It is an eternal presence, that within the absence of it all, wishes to be nowhere else, but here loving you. ~ Matt Kahn

Sail Away

Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Ships are safe in port but that is not what ships are for. ~Mary Oliver

It's my favorite word and if I ever get a vanity license plate it will say this: Vivere~ Italian, to live.

Real Reality

Thus shall ye think of this fleeting world: A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream. A flash of lightening in a summer cloud. A flickering lamp, a phantom, a dream. ~ Buddha (563-483)

To Thine Own

The only way to get what you really want, is to know what you really want. And the only way to know what you really want, is to know yourself. And the only way to know yourself, is to be yourself. And the only way to be yourself is to listen to your heart. ~Mike Dooley

Call me Dawn B

I had a moment of transcendence today. I was running indoors at the Y. Around minute 16, I had the urge to stop running around the track, and to go outside. This wasn't just a thought. My body screamed from deep within "OUTSIDE, NOW!" The thoughts came a millisecond later- It's raining out. I am almost half done already. I can't run out and get back in with out my keys and pass.... But I squashed those thoughts, because I am learning to listen to what I really want more these days. And I could already feel the cool mist on my face.

So I ran off the track, (insert Rocky music), down the long ramp to the stairwell, down the stairs, through the exit turn stile, (imagining the amazed look on everyone's face in the lobby, though let's be honest, no one probably noticed). I bounded outside, along the big workout studio windows, (Hello cute Silver Sneakers folks!) and through the parking lot. I had a grin on my face, and I felt amazing, like I was running on wings.

The air was fresh, and the wet air was divine. Colors were vivid, and passerbys were kindred souls on the journey of life, bright sparks of light. I saw sacred geometry everywhere, reminding me of how connected this world is to Divinity and a divine creation. I saw a feather, and somehow it felt very significant. It was perfect.

Truth is, it didn't last forever. In fact these days, I run a half hour, so my moments of glory were about 14 or 15. But what sticks with me, is that I did it. I listened. And I am still smiling about it.

What's your next Rocky moment going to be?

Come Out and Play

Out there between ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field; I'll meet you there.
~Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Bird by Bird

Turns out this "I don't know if I can (fill in the blank with activity), but I know I can (fill in the blank with what you are pretty sure you can do) works pretty darn well.
Example: Yoga class.
"I don't know if I can hold this pose for much longer, but I think I can do it for 3 more seconds." Breathe.
Or at home, land of SO MUCH TO DO THE DUST BUNNIES CAN CONSUME YOU IF YOU LET THEM.,
"I definitely don't have it in me to clean the whole house tonight, but I can pick up and order things for 15 minutes." Set timer.
Anne Lamontt wrote a great book called Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. The title comes from someone feeling overwhelmed about how to describe in an essay an amazing day spent amongst hundreds of birds. The advice was to just start, and describe them bird by bird.
Some of the best advice I ever read- and put into practice.

Return of the Prodigal Runner

Today I was running and my guides told me: A perfect day is not one in which everything happens precisely in the way you think is perfect. Perfect exercise, perfect food consumption, perfect productivity, etc. A perfect day is just being still and non judgemental of perceived imperfections, showing up and doing your best. Whatever that might be for the day. One step in front of the other, bit by bit.
I pondered that as I ran, and was amazed at how directly it translated into my run. I didn't know if I could run a half hour (it had been a loooooooonnnng time since my days of running regularly) so I said at 5 minute intervals "I don't know if I can do 30 minutes today, but I know I can do the next 5." On and on this went... 5 minutes at a time, until I had reached 30 minutes! I felt great to be out there, doing my best for today, and while there are some grandmas who power walk faster than my best, my best is between me and me.
One foot in front of the other, moving forward.

Garden Party

My friend Marci took this picture in Florence. We staged it for a friend who is starting a type of bed and breakfast. We had a blast digging through the china closets in this old villa to get just the right look. Isn't it lovely? I loved the burst of creativity!

Haiti

I want to write a little bit about Haiti. By now we are all familiar with the images, the anguish, and the plight of our fellow humans who suffered a devastating earthquake. I am not sure about the US, but it is on the news non stop here in Italy. At least 5 to 10 minutes of every newscast is dedicated to covering the story.


The other day I noticed the emotions I felt while watching. Oh. dear. God. A desire to not look- but then we are human, and we look. Not wanting my little one to see suffering that surely she would not understand. Wondering what I would say to explain to her because eventually she will big enough to ask. Sending love and Matrix Energetics to the situation. And then, a new feeling: gratitude.


Gratitude? Yes. The world is experiencing a heart opening in a way I can't remember ever seeing. Not with 9/11. The primary reaction was fear. Not with the war with Iraq or Iran- there has been indifference and distance and too much propaganda. The people of Haiti, our brothers and sisters, who have passed and will pass and also survive, are inspiring a momunental reaction across the world.

WE MUST HELP THEM screamed the front page in red letters in La Nazione of Firenze a few days ago. Yahoo Italia has a place to click and get up to date information and donate. The icon says Help Haiti Now! People from all over the world are praying, sending money and supplies, volunteering, and opening their lives to the children who have no one to call mamma or papa anymore.

As we all choose our life on a soul level these brave ones choose a mission of the highest order- to sacrifice for the greater good, and to inspire love that the world has not seen for a long time.

Things are changing, and quickly. And as we are confronted with situations like Haiti- or our personal little earthquakes- we have a choice. To look, or look away. To see humanity suffering or turn a blind eye to it. To take action without hesitation when we can lend a hand to another. To see past color and differences and see only our own reflection. The brave souls of Haiti are giving us a chance to open our hearts wider than it has ever been before, and on a global scale. For this I hold them in highest regard.

Move it or Lose it!

I had an epiphany when I was moving. Mind you, I am on something like my 36th (or more!) place to live- I stopped keeping track a while ago. We moved around a lot after my parents got divorced, and the habit stuck with me throughout college and beyond. There's always a certain amount of grumbling associated with moving- it's exhausting. In fact its one of the main life events on the How Stressed Are You? quizzes mental health professionals have developed. Anyway, there I was, up to my eyeballs in boxes and chaos and sleep deprivation when it hit me-


I love moving.


It's true! Now there's always been a sort of disapproval I've sensed from others about my propensity for starting anew, which often shows up in a change in living space. Why don't I settle down? Stay in one place, get a good job, get married? etc etc. I have never quite managed to do that. I have internalized this disapproval and turned it against myself feeling something like "Boo. Here I go again, changing, moving, no roots for me, boo. Hoo." And in this a-ha moment of understanding that I love the process of moving, that there is something that is intrinsiclly gratifying to me with blank walls and discovering a new neighborhood, I decided to stop fighting it.

I am a gypsy! And I like it that way. I wonder, why do we ever try to be something we are not, or feel bad about what we are? We all do it, and it really doesn't serve us well at all.

Now a funny thing happened once I stopped feeling other's feelings about me (real or imagined, I admit, another most unuseful thing to do) and gave myself permission to just be who I am, a whole new dialogue started with myself. I thought: I might never own a house. Who cares? I might have apartments all over the world, or maybe live in Italy again. I may move another 35 times. Who knows? I am just going to go with it.

With a month or so, I started to feel like I wanted a house to settle into for me and my girl. Isn't that ironic? It's that principle I've talked about before: the minute you stop blocking the energy by worrying or focusing on lack or even caring, things start to flow in a natural pattern with effortless ease. I am really excited to see how things develop! I also realized that having a home isn't black or white. One could have a home and travel the world at the same time, moving around, here and there, for quite a while. People do it all the time. Just because that wasn't modeled for me, or encouraged, or even held as a possibility by the adults in my life, doesn't mean I can't have the life of my dreams.

And hire movers.

The Hundreth Monkey

Hello dear friends! This is my 100th post since I started this blog last June while visiting Italy. And most interestingly I am here in Italy again! For some reason this sounds very synchronistic to me. I am not sure what it means, but I like it. And I looooove Italy! It is so wonderful to be here again, in my second home. There are many things to write about, but I feel like I want to touch on December a little bit.

Ah December. I didn't post at all! We moved to a new nest. What a job! I had grossly underestimated how difficult and tiring moving can be, especially with a boddler (my baby-toddler, who is almost 21 months). I love our new home. It is exactly what I had been dreaming of, even though I had no idea how I could have what I wanted. As usual, the Universe assembled all the details and now I am living out the manifestation of a dream I had- namely dishwasher, lots of space, new floors, fun neighborhood, and close to everything.

The manifesting process goes like this-

Ask. Allow. Receive.

We are so good at asking for what we want- we are experts of desire and yearning. Most of us have some experience in receiving, though I daresay lots of us could spiff things up in the feeling worthy to receive department. The real trick is that little allowing bit. The letting go and trusting it is all working out perfectly. That my friends, gets in the way of our dreams all the time, and don't we know it?

But think back to a time when something worked out great. Hmmm. A desire, an idea, a request. How you got out of your own way and just let things happen naturally. And then how it sprang into life, maybe so slowly that you didn't even notice it happening right under your nose.

I got my baby that way. I had come to grips with the idea I might not meet a partner for a long time and maybe not have a child because I am no spring chicken anymore, and we start to think about things like this in our mid 30's (or at least the media says we should). I decided to let go of the fear of the unknown and to adopt if necessary. Boom! What seems like a nanosecond later (a slight exaggeration perhaps), my little baby showed up. And while the story never goes exactly like we think it should, I do believe it reads even better with unknown adventures straight ahead.

Last detail- Gratitude. The great thing about gratitude is that we feel it when we have something wonderful in our lives and are appreciating and marveling at it (and on some level, it's all divine, pun intended!). When we are in a state of gratitude, we are allowing. You cannot be in gratitude and focused on something that hasn't come to fruition or lack at the same time. Essentially, we are creating all the time, and isn't that a powerful realization?

Well, I got off track here. I had no idea I would write about the process of manifesting, I thought I'd touch on December. But maybe it is all well and good, as December is over and I am here today, in front of the computer, writing while my daughter slumbers, drinking a fragrant cup of earl grey tea from a ceylon green mug. Life is good. Sending blessings to all!

Something to Remember When It's Dark at 5 pm

Keep you face always toward the sunshine and the shadow will fall behind you. ~Anonymous

Winter, Gotta Love It

Reach Out and Touch

If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

That Lao!

From wonder

into wonder

existence opens.

~Lao Tzu

The Anecdote

I love the new year, shiny and full of promises of redemption. I adore the process of looking back on the old year, noticing what has changed and how some things just very naturally came to fruition. I love the opportunity to see where things could go better too. It's a wonderful time of introspection fused with hope and buoyed by the idea of having a clean slate.


This year I came up with 10 resolutions that are unlike any I've ever made before.


1. I will only do things that are fun and feel good to me. Dishes and dust bunnies included! If it's not appealing in the moment, I am not going to do it. Period. I have faith that all things that need to get done will get done, and by tuning into how I feel I will naturally jump on the momentum of getting them done instead of trying to accomplish by force. This just zaps energy, and that doesn't feel good.


2. I will eat in harmony with what my body is asking for. This one is pretty self explanatory, and I'd like to move it into the realm of just asking the question "What does my body need right now?" and listening to the answer. And then honoring it.


3. I will create more and worry less. It's interesting that this pair showed up, but I've noticed how time spent creating things whether physically or mentally puts me in a zone of happy expectation. Worry puts me in a place of fear, lack, and hesitation. Being creative- if even just dreaming up some article to write while driving in the car- makes me sing and my whole world reflects possibility back to me. Life is a lot more exciting that way.


4. I will examine the uncomfortable feelings. Everyone has got those scary and sad feelings that make you feel nervous and uncomfortable. So generally speaking, we hide them in the closet. Until they come up again. And again. And 10 years later, they still pop up- ugly memories, hurt feelings, secret fears. This year, I am going to catch them in the act. Feeling bad about some episode in the past? (Which everything is an episode in the past, if you think about it.) It's up for scrutiny. What is at the root of it? What do I need to do to be free of this nagging feeling? And then follow through with it. There is no Boogey Man! I am out to prove it to myself.


5. I will change the rules of the game if it's not fun. Ever play cards with little kids? When they start to lose they invent rules. All of a sudden 3 red cards trumps all or an 8 is worth more than a king. We tell them no, that's not right, those are not the rules, and eventually they submit. I've been thinking that as adults we have it all backwards. For a long time I've felt less than because my life didn't look like that of my peers and had taken a different course. Those days are over! What makes me different, circumstancial or personality wise, is going to be looked at as strength and nurtured. I have, for example, a gypsy spirit and a serious case of wonderlust and it has sometimes been hard to fit that into "normal" life. With this rule (see I am making them up as I go along!) I don't have to fight it anymore. I just decide to play a different game, one in which roaming the world and having transplantable roots works. Easy! Now where is my passport?...


6. I will stop expecting things from other people. Wow- have I gotten myself into a load of trouble with this one over the years. Expecting things from lovers, partners, friends, family, and even store clerks. I'd say that the majority of heartache in my life has come from expectations of people who didn't or couldn't deliver. I have complete and total responsibility for keeping myself safe, well, and happy. Everyone else is off the hook.


7. I will ask better questions. The question, when asked well enough always emits the answer. Compare "Where can I cut corners to have more money?" to "What sorts of innovative ways to flow more money into my world have I overlooked?" Feel the difference in those two questions. One is full of sacrifice and lack and the other is expansive and allows multiple answers and possibilities to flow in.


8. I will be in gratitude daily. Sometimes while driving I go on tangents of appreciation. I start with noticing one thing, say a beautiful sight, and then let that awareness move to another pleasing thing, and on an on. Abraham Hicks calls it a "rampage of appreciation". It may sound silly, but it's a great way to be in alignment with the world around me. I've started to speak things out loud to my daughter and look forward to the time that we can make a game of it, taking turns noticing things to appreciate. It feels so good I just want to do it more. And more. And more. This year I am going to make it a practice.


9. I will look for the Divine in others, without exception. Seeing the sacred in others activates feelings of awe and love. A wonderful place to practice this is on the bus or at the bank. I like to acknowledge each person as perfect exactly as is. We are all in this world together having a collective human experience.

10. I will expect the best. Always.

Resolution Smution

For as long as I can remember- at least the last 15 years- I have had two resolutions that I make every year.

1. Be debt free
2. Get thin

And every year I make some degree of progress on them, but I never completely hit my goal . I get sort of close, sometimes really close, chunks of bills get paid off, and pounds get lost, but it still is an issue, year after year.

Obviously something is not working.

So this year, I resolve to not make these two things my focus. I hope by the end of 2010 my fiscal situation is abundant and I feel great and trim, but I am not going to use any of the techniques I have employed in the past because they don't work.

It's time to shake things up.

Return of the Prodigal Writer

Well friends, it's been a while. And I have missed these musings and writings dearly. It feels wonderful to be back!

Happy New Year! It's going to be a great one, full of new opportunities that are accompanied by change. It feels like the energy is shifting and moving in directions that have previously been stagnant or blocked in the past, and it is gaining momentum and depth as time keeps marching on. It's like a whisper that is getting louder and bolder, tickling the ear and making hair stand up on the back of the neck, saying:

Follow your heart dear one! Follow your dreams! Break free from what no longer serves you!

It's a siren's call, this call to action; a beckoning, a quickening of heart and pulse.

Can you feel it?