Nov 26, 2009
Nov 20, 2009
As the World Turns
November is mostly over and I haven't posted at all. I have to laugh at this, because just last month I was proclaiming "I am a writer!" Which is not an untruth... but I've been writing other things, and whenever I make big announcements there is usually a period of integration that follows afterward. Since this seems to be a pattern of mine, I am learning how to live with it instead of beating myself up. You'd think that after 35 years I would have mastered this, but actually, I feel like I am just starting to learn.
We are moving to a new nest next week and so there are a million things to do beyond the usual million. I have moments of excitement followed by panic followed by a deep knowing that everything is, and will continue to work out just fine. Breathe, Exhale, Breathe. I keep coming back to that centered place and have so much support. But it's really about continuing to refocus, recenter, breathe, and do it all over again when I get off balance. Which is often.
I have a suspicion that this is exactly how it is supposed to be.
We are moving to a new nest next week and so there are a million things to do beyond the usual million. I have moments of excitement followed by panic followed by a deep knowing that everything is, and will continue to work out just fine. Breathe, Exhale, Breathe. I keep coming back to that centered place and have so much support. But it's really about continuing to refocus, recenter, breathe, and do it all over again when I get off balance. Which is often.
I have a suspicion that this is exactly how it is supposed to be.
Oct 30, 2009
Oct 29, 2009
From a Mountain of Diapers
It's been a long October, and a little off kilter from the usual.
Usually my power month, I've found myself feeling tired, somewhat unsettled, and occasionally cranky. Lots of things have been going on, illness, an upcoming move, a new venture... It has been a wonderful opportunity to observe what hasn't been working very well in my world.
What I know is this: You cannot nourish others when you are running on low or empty. Ideally we give out of our abundance, our overflowing cup. I have been overflowing, and I have been mostly empty. The stark contrast in the feeling states of the two leads to the following conclusion-
If mamma aint happy, nobody is happy.
It's been a call renegotiate the terms of my relationship with myself- down to how many hours a night I need to sleep, the sorts of foods that fuel my body and spirit best, and how much time I need alone, being creative, and with my family and friends. Learning where the self depletion boundary is only part of the equation. It's also about gauging the my inner levels and making adjustments where and when necessary, without feeling guilty about meeting my needs.
That's not an easy one to master, especially when little ones and partners are involved. I remember reading in Conversations with God Book 1 that the path of the householder is the hardest one to achieve mastery on. It's relatively easy to go up to a mountaintop and meditate until enlightenment occurs, but try maintaining an enlightened attitude while changing the diaper on a distraught baby at 3 a.m. and you. are. so. exhausted.
That's the beauty of it, I believe, being able to experience these periods of contrast so you can appreciate those moments so much more when you feel good, aligned and full of life and energy to share with your loved ones. Things are always in flux, changing and shifting and it follows that we do too, over time and in our daily process. This is life, and isn't it glorious, especially when you are well rested?
Now if you'll excuse me....
Usually my power month, I've found myself feeling tired, somewhat unsettled, and occasionally cranky. Lots of things have been going on, illness, an upcoming move, a new venture... It has been a wonderful opportunity to observe what hasn't been working very well in my world.
What I know is this: You cannot nourish others when you are running on low or empty. Ideally we give out of our abundance, our overflowing cup. I have been overflowing, and I have been mostly empty. The stark contrast in the feeling states of the two leads to the following conclusion-
If mamma aint happy, nobody is happy.
It's been a call renegotiate the terms of my relationship with myself- down to how many hours a night I need to sleep, the sorts of foods that fuel my body and spirit best, and how much time I need alone, being creative, and with my family and friends. Learning where the self depletion boundary is only part of the equation. It's also about gauging the my inner levels and making adjustments where and when necessary, without feeling guilty about meeting my needs.
That's not an easy one to master, especially when little ones and partners are involved. I remember reading in Conversations with God Book 1 that the path of the householder is the hardest one to achieve mastery on. It's relatively easy to go up to a mountaintop and meditate until enlightenment occurs, but try maintaining an enlightened attitude while changing the diaper on a distraught baby at 3 a.m. and you. are. so. exhausted.
That's the beauty of it, I believe, being able to experience these periods of contrast so you can appreciate those moments so much more when you feel good, aligned and full of life and energy to share with your loved ones. Things are always in flux, changing and shifting and it follows that we do too, over time and in our daily process. This is life, and isn't it glorious, especially when you are well rested?
Now if you'll excuse me....
Oct 21, 2009
?
I just bumped into this quote on Facebook posted by Robert Schienfeld's (author of Busting Loose From the Money Game) niece:
"The Universe doesn't give anyone the power to know the future, because life becomes maddeningly boring when you know everything upfront. So, instead of struggling, enjoy the uncertainty - to be alive means... to not know."
I love that. I realize attributing the quote to Robert Schienfeld's niece is less than optimal as I'd love to give credit where credit is due. But in the spirit of not knowing... I have no idea who she is. It's a nice reminder in these busy days and times of uncertainty.
"The Universe doesn't give anyone the power to know the future, because life becomes maddeningly boring when you know everything upfront. So, instead of struggling, enjoy the uncertainty - to be alive means... to not know."
I love that. I realize attributing the quote to Robert Schienfeld's niece is less than optimal as I'd love to give credit where credit is due. But in the spirit of not knowing... I have no idea who she is. It's a nice reminder in these busy days and times of uncertainty.
Oct 13, 2009
The Divine Barbeque
I came to believe that Spirit is like a huge tent of love underneath which everyone can fit in peace and harmony. All of humanity can choose to attend the Divine barbecue if they so choose. There may be some folks eating bratwursts, others enjoying corn on the cob, and a small gathering on lawn chairs eating their franks and beans. Everyone is at the same party, yet they are all experiencing it a little differently. Each person can have a great time, especially if one of the party goers forces their choices on the rest of the gang. Just because people have different preferences at the Divine barbecue doesn't make them wrong and me right or vice versa. We're just different. ~from Opening the Kimono by Theresa Rose
Oct 9, 2009
Oct 7, 2009
I am a Writer!
I am taking a writing class this semester at the Loft Literary Center. It is wonderful. I have a sweet little red head teacher, who is beautiful and quiet and deep. She looks like a Celtic Goddess. She is leads us to the pool of the written word, encourages us to dip our toes in the pool and maybe even jump in.
It is refreshing and scary and exciting.
In doing my personal work in the Akashic Records I was told that I needed to embrace the fact that I was a writer. To say it, to think it, and to breathe it. I am a writer. This had never occured to me before! OK, maybe in the fantasies where I am on Oprah discussing my book or opening checks for free lance magazine articles, but really, I hadn't owned it yet.
Never mind that I won a little scholarship for writing in college, or that I had filled about 28 journals in the last 5 years (I write big, but not that big!) or have 2 blogs. I went around for about a week in wonder saying "I am a writer!" I told one of my best friends and she said "And I am a photographer!" (which is true). "No!" I said, "you don't get it! I am a writer!" She said, "Um, yeah? I kinda figured that out in India when you had read 7 books to my 1 and in the amount of time it took me to write 2 pages you had written 15."
Well then. But it is still new and scary and exciting and I still haven't totally claimed it yet. Just last night someone asked me what I did and I said, I am a mommy. I am a healer. I got that stuff down pat. Later I drove away and thought...ooohhh wait a minute. I am a writer! And an artist and a jewelry designer and a muse and a multi Goddess and oh my......
Maybe there is something you are not claiming either. Maybe everyone goes nuts for your cakes and scones and your are hesitant to make some business cards with Patty's Party Pastries on them. Your voice might be itching to sing in a choir or a jazz group, or perhaps there are poems that need to be acted out, danced and screamed from your very being. It could be anything and I am going to put money on it because everyone is born with an amazing and unique talent that no one else has.
So I am thinking, maybe we can write a new chapter for ourselves, you and I.....
It is refreshing and scary and exciting.
In doing my personal work in the Akashic Records I was told that I needed to embrace the fact that I was a writer. To say it, to think it, and to breathe it. I am a writer. This had never occured to me before! OK, maybe in the fantasies where I am on Oprah discussing my book or opening checks for free lance magazine articles, but really, I hadn't owned it yet.
Never mind that I won a little scholarship for writing in college, or that I had filled about 28 journals in the last 5 years (I write big, but not that big!) or have 2 blogs. I went around for about a week in wonder saying "I am a writer!" I told one of my best friends and she said "And I am a photographer!" (which is true). "No!" I said, "you don't get it! I am a writer!" She said, "Um, yeah? I kinda figured that out in India when you had read 7 books to my 1 and in the amount of time it took me to write 2 pages you had written 15."
Well then. But it is still new and scary and exciting and I still haven't totally claimed it yet. Just last night someone asked me what I did and I said, I am a mommy. I am a healer. I got that stuff down pat. Later I drove away and thought...ooohhh wait a minute. I am a writer! And an artist and a jewelry designer and a muse and a multi Goddess and oh my......
Maybe there is something you are not claiming either. Maybe everyone goes nuts for your cakes and scones and your are hesitant to make some business cards with Patty's Party Pastries on them. Your voice might be itching to sing in a choir or a jazz group, or perhaps there are poems that need to be acted out, danced and screamed from your very being. It could be anything and I am going to put money on it because everyone is born with an amazing and unique talent that no one else has.
So I am thinking, maybe we can write a new chapter for ourselves, you and I.....
Oct 6, 2009
Inquiring Minds want to Know
Why is it so hard to ask the tough questions?
We all have got them. Questions that we are afraid to hear the answer to. Questions that make us squirm, cross our legs, and change the subject. Questions that hold power over us, because we are afraid to know.
I saw an episode on one of those dance shows that are wildly popular now. This couple's routine involved the girl fearlessly jumping into her partner's arms. Not just a little jump, but a serious launch into the air with great force. Since I don't watch those shows often and I am not much of a dancer it was initially lost of me. Not on the judges though. They were crying and beside themselves at how magnificently executed and beautiful their dance was.
I have had that image in my head for a while now. Fearless launching into the unknown and completely trusting that you are going to be OK.
I think it's like it with those questions we don't want to ask. I work with questions a lot, as they are at the basis of the Akashic Records work I do. I notice when I am hesitant to ask about a situation or a relationship that always lets me know there is a lot more to the subject than meets the eye. Over time I have began to ask the hard questions. Timidly at first, then with more confidence. It's sort of like starting a running program- it gets easier the more you do it. And guess what? The answers are never scary and I find great solace in having new perspective, as well as clarity.
It's a great place to launch off from.
We all have got them. Questions that we are afraid to hear the answer to. Questions that make us squirm, cross our legs, and change the subject. Questions that hold power over us, because we are afraid to know.
I saw an episode on one of those dance shows that are wildly popular now. This couple's routine involved the girl fearlessly jumping into her partner's arms. Not just a little jump, but a serious launch into the air with great force. Since I don't watch those shows often and I am not much of a dancer it was initially lost of me. Not on the judges though. They were crying and beside themselves at how magnificently executed and beautiful their dance was.
I have had that image in my head for a while now. Fearless launching into the unknown and completely trusting that you are going to be OK.
I think it's like it with those questions we don't want to ask. I work with questions a lot, as they are at the basis of the Akashic Records work I do. I notice when I am hesitant to ask about a situation or a relationship that always lets me know there is a lot more to the subject than meets the eye. Over time I have began to ask the hard questions. Timidly at first, then with more confidence. It's sort of like starting a running program- it gets easier the more you do it. And guess what? The answers are never scary and I find great solace in having new perspective, as well as clarity.
It's a great place to launch off from.
Oct 5, 2009
The Buddha Prince
There are many things I could tell you about the play the Buddha Prince and most of which I will not try.
I cannot sing to you the ghostly joyful Himalayan songs with their impossible words and melodies though they still- weeks later- echo in my head.
I cannot tell you how it was that day to walk the Dalai Lama's journey form village to Lhasa to China to exile with a heart that was simultaneously full of joy and and increasing imminent sense of horror.
What I can try to capture is this: young and old gasped together in delight as they turned and saw a great Imperial dragon bounding down the hill towards then, stopping now and then to kick its 8 legs in playful dance. Dogs barked and babies clapped at the mythical apparition.
Perhaps I can share a glimpse of the child Lama passing his white silk scarf to the actor who would play his older self- foreheads touching in a reverent bow, hands in prayer position as if to say I honor you: who you were, are and will be.
What I will say is this: one perfect golden leaf floated tenderly to the ground against the backdrop of lush green and infinite blue sky. In this moment suspended between laughter and sorrow, heaven and earth, hearts opened as we bore witness to the story of Tibet.
To learn more about the Buddha Prince project and play, visit http://www.buddhaprince.org/ .
I cannot sing to you the ghostly joyful Himalayan songs with their impossible words and melodies though they still- weeks later- echo in my head.
I cannot tell you how it was that day to walk the Dalai Lama's journey form village to Lhasa to China to exile with a heart that was simultaneously full of joy and and increasing imminent sense of horror.
What I can try to capture is this: young and old gasped together in delight as they turned and saw a great Imperial dragon bounding down the hill towards then, stopping now and then to kick its 8 legs in playful dance. Dogs barked and babies clapped at the mythical apparition.
Perhaps I can share a glimpse of the child Lama passing his white silk scarf to the actor who would play his older self- foreheads touching in a reverent bow, hands in prayer position as if to say I honor you: who you were, are and will be.
What I will say is this: one perfect golden leaf floated tenderly to the ground against the backdrop of lush green and infinite blue sky. In this moment suspended between laughter and sorrow, heaven and earth, hearts opened as we bore witness to the story of Tibet.
To learn more about the Buddha Prince project and play, visit http://www.buddhaprince.org/ .
Oct 4, 2009
Whole-ly Lovable
Often I get little snippets of information echoing in my brain. Lately it's been hold everyone- including yourself- in the highest light imaginable. I don't know when I started tuning into it, but I do know once I started thinking about it I started to encounter written words that reiterated that concept to me from several different sources and then practice opportunities began to present themselves.
You have to love and admire the process!
So what does it mean to hold everyone in the highest light possible, including self? Well, for me it manifests itself as giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I find there is a space between me and the situation in which I can navigate myself into and choose to not take it personal, get my feelings hurt, or respond angrily. (For the record: living in partnership is like class time, most of the time!)
Then there's me. Why is it easier to always look for the bright side of a person or a situation but when it's ourselves, we easily fall into criticism, judgement and use ridiculous standards that no one holds us to? (Though I bet if you listen very closely to the voices in your head you'll find that many of them belong to someone else: a cold grandmother, distant father, or some other adult figure that didn't have it together in your formative years.)
Again and again I meet with clients and the subject of choosing to self mother and nurture comes up. No one is going to do it for us, and for many of us, it was NEVER done. The wounds go deep, and deeper yet is the subconscious ramifications of what it means to have grown up with out a healthy model of what it looks like to love yourself, fabulous and flaws and all.
This is the topic of many books, but for today consider it a little message that you needed to connect to.Hold everyone- including yourself- in the highest light possible. You are whole-ly lovable, as is, right where you are, and always have been.
Much love to your on your journey!
Oct 3, 2009
Oct 2, 2009
Miss New York
I have a new friend. She's from New York and Jewish. She is lovely and clearly not from the Midwest. About a month or two ago I remember telling a friend that I never had any Jewish friends. Not because I didn't want to but I grew up in a cult in South Dakota, so people different from me were few and far between due to religious and geographic restrictions. I also had observed to another friend that I love New Yorkers and how they seemed to be a unique blend of being direct, honest, warm, and funny.
Enter new friend a month later. She is all that and more. I love it when that happens.
The way she speaks her truth is a refreshing point of view and occasionally makes me feel discomfort. Since I believe that everyone is our life is just a creation of ours who a)is there to help us along the path, b) demonstrate something to us as a mirror would, c) or share in a karmic lesson, I know that this discomfort is a big clue to something I haven't learned or integrated fully yet.
Little Miss Midwestern Nice could turn up the volume on her speaking the truth button, if you know what I mean. And now I have this person who mirrors to me how that is done. I feel grateful and infinitely supported on my journey.
So with that, I am going to start writing more in- depth about my journey, my experiences healing, working with energy, the Akashic Records and any other wonderful gifts that fall into my lap. I am confident it will be an interesting and fun ride. And if you don't like it, you can stuff it. Ha ha!
May we all find the courage to speak our truth and use our voice!
Enter new friend a month later. She is all that and more. I love it when that happens.
The way she speaks her truth is a refreshing point of view and occasionally makes me feel discomfort. Since I believe that everyone is our life is just a creation of ours who a)is there to help us along the path, b) demonstrate something to us as a mirror would, c) or share in a karmic lesson, I know that this discomfort is a big clue to something I haven't learned or integrated fully yet.
Little Miss Midwestern Nice could turn up the volume on her speaking the truth button, if you know what I mean. And now I have this person who mirrors to me how that is done. I feel grateful and infinitely supported on my journey.
So with that, I am going to start writing more in- depth about my journey, my experiences healing, working with energy, the Akashic Records and any other wonderful gifts that fall into my lap. I am confident it will be an interesting and fun ride. And if you don't like it, you can stuff it. Ha ha!
May we all find the courage to speak our truth and use our voice!
Oct 1, 2009
Dancing with the Stars
Today is the first day of October. This is my favorite month. Mercury has finally went direct as of Tuesday. Can I get a hell yeah?!!! One thing I learned is that Mercury doesn't actually go backwards in its orbit, it just slows down so much it appears to go backwards.
Well if that isn't an appropriate metaphor!
How many times do I feel like my life or an aspect of it has regressed back to some former pattern I thought I had whipped? Then I realize when I come out of it that I just had slowed waaaay down and couldn't see the progress that had been made. Then the cloud cover lifts and I am light years away again. I think visually it would look like a spiral. There's always that pesky low part that you must have to push off of to move into new unprecedented highs.
Now that Mr Mercury is back to normal, I am feeling very productive. Yesterday I got more done on my to-do list that the previous 2 weeks. I guess that is the way life is, periods of rest with productivity, growth with integration, and so on. It's a wonderful dance and one that is so much easier when you stop looking at your feet, wondering if you are doing it right.
Well if that isn't an appropriate metaphor!
How many times do I feel like my life or an aspect of it has regressed back to some former pattern I thought I had whipped? Then I realize when I come out of it that I just had slowed waaaay down and couldn't see the progress that had been made. Then the cloud cover lifts and I am light years away again. I think visually it would look like a spiral. There's always that pesky low part that you must have to push off of to move into new unprecedented highs.
Now that Mr Mercury is back to normal, I am feeling very productive. Yesterday I got more done on my to-do list that the previous 2 weeks. I guess that is the way life is, periods of rest with productivity, growth with integration, and so on. It's a wonderful dance and one that is so much easier when you stop looking at your feet, wondering if you are doing it right.
Sep 21, 2009
Day of Peace
Today is the UN's International Day of Peace.
As I reflect upon this, I realize that peace begins at home- but more accurately in the heart. From there it moves outward, affecting our self talk and our interactions with our loved ones. I find that it is easy for me to feel love and gratitude for others but when it comes to extending a kind and appreciative word to myself, many times I falter.
So today, while I go about my daily activities along with some special ones to commemorate this day of placing intent for International Peace, alongside my desire for all my brothers and sisters to experience peace, love, and abundance, I will notice the flame that burns in my heart for those same things and give it room- and encouragement- to grow.
We truly must be the change we wish to see in the world.
Blessings to all on this day of most sacred intentions- Namaste!
As I reflect upon this, I realize that peace begins at home- but more accurately in the heart. From there it moves outward, affecting our self talk and our interactions with our loved ones. I find that it is easy for me to feel love and gratitude for others but when it comes to extending a kind and appreciative word to myself, many times I falter.
So today, while I go about my daily activities along with some special ones to commemorate this day of placing intent for International Peace, alongside my desire for all my brothers and sisters to experience peace, love, and abundance, I will notice the flame that burns in my heart for those same things and give it room- and encouragement- to grow.
We truly must be the change we wish to see in the world.
Blessings to all on this day of most sacred intentions- Namaste!
Sep 16, 2009
Sep 15, 2009
Looking In
Change is in the air, the leaves are turning a rich apple gold and today I crunched through some that had already fallen. I haven't felt like doing much lately except to be alone, sit outside, and contemplate.
I always get a bit introspective this time of year. Who am I? What do I want? What am I going to focus on? Where are my dreams? It's like gathering my personal acorns for the long winter ahead- going in, connected with what matters to me most, talents and desires shored up to get me through the long stretch between the end of the summer and the great rebirth of spring.
I am harvesting my fruits and spoils.
I always get a bit introspective this time of year. Who am I? What do I want? What am I going to focus on? Where are my dreams? It's like gathering my personal acorns for the long winter ahead- going in, connected with what matters to me most, talents and desires shored up to get me through the long stretch between the end of the summer and the great rebirth of spring.
I am harvesting my fruits and spoils.
Sep 11, 2009
Reactive Mode
I am learning to live in reactive mode.
This is new for me. Instead of trying to make things happen, plan, project into the future, and attempting to control things, I am waiting to see what shows up in my life from moment to moment and then deciding what feels right to do in response.
The criteria is: would this bring my joy? What feels good?
I will be the first to admit that after a lifetime of living exactly the opposite way (what do I HAVE to do today? What SHOULD I be doing right now?) there is a bit of discomfort and weirdness about it. .
What I am noticing after doing this for a week or so is that my energies feel so much more balanced. Since I am only doing things that I choose to do, I don't feel put out. I can't complain about anything that happens during the day because it's all of my choosing!
Interestingly there are things that typically are resisted (dishes, housework, gym, paying the bills, etc) on a regular basis that do have times that I naturally gravitate towards them. And everything seems to get done, just the same, though with a much lighter heart.
Even the bathroom.
This is new for me. Instead of trying to make things happen, plan, project into the future, and attempting to control things, I am waiting to see what shows up in my life from moment to moment and then deciding what feels right to do in response.
The criteria is: would this bring my joy? What feels good?
I will be the first to admit that after a lifetime of living exactly the opposite way (what do I HAVE to do today? What SHOULD I be doing right now?) there is a bit of discomfort and weirdness about it. .
What I am noticing after doing this for a week or so is that my energies feel so much more balanced. Since I am only doing things that I choose to do, I don't feel put out. I can't complain about anything that happens during the day because it's all of my choosing!
Interestingly there are things that typically are resisted (dishes, housework, gym, paying the bills, etc) on a regular basis that do have times that I naturally gravitate towards them. And everything seems to get done, just the same, though with a much lighter heart.
Even the bathroom.
Sep 9, 2009
Recessession 101:C
These billboards are popping up everywhere! Hope is in the air!
Recession 101
Self worth meets net worth.
Sep 8, 2009
Mercurial
This is a public service announcement. Mercury is retrograde. I repeat, Mercury is retrograde.
What does it mean? Well, Mercury is moving backwards instead of forwards in it's orbit. As you can imagine, if you drove in reverse for a prolonged amount of time, (I can't go farther than 1/4 of a block without getting all freaked out) things can get a little difficult. Since everything is contrary to how it usually is, things can be unpredictable and shall we say, crunchy.
It traditionally is not a good time to start any new projects, sign any contracts, leases, legal things, purchase expensive items, or decide to chuck your job and and move to Iceland.
It doesn't mean if you do any of these things you're doomed, but don't be surprised if it doesn't go as smoothly as you wish. Don't be surprised if it all has to be redone either (as hiring a web designer to do my website one fine Mercury retrograde period taught me. It. was. horrible.)
Since I've been tracking Mercury's retrograde and what happens in my life I found this: It's a good time to stay low, and sit waaaayy back and just ride out the storm.
Now that I've painted a grey sky, let me say this: It's a fantastic time to go back to projects that you've started and then shelved, reconnect with old friends you've lost contact with and look back on your life with new wisdom and clarity. It's the backward moving energy that facilitates this looking behind you and revisiting aspects of the past.
For me, that means cleaning up my basement, which is a project that has almost gotten done 3 times in the past year and then returns to chaos shortly thereafter. Other than that, I am going to see what happens.
For more information and to see how your particular astrological sign will be affected by the retrograde, check out Susan Miller's website www.astrologyzone.com
What does it mean? Well, Mercury is moving backwards instead of forwards in it's orbit. As you can imagine, if you drove in reverse for a prolonged amount of time, (I can't go farther than 1/4 of a block without getting all freaked out) things can get a little difficult. Since everything is contrary to how it usually is, things can be unpredictable and shall we say, crunchy.
It traditionally is not a good time to start any new projects, sign any contracts, leases, legal things, purchase expensive items, or decide to chuck your job and and move to Iceland.
It doesn't mean if you do any of these things you're doomed, but don't be surprised if it doesn't go as smoothly as you wish. Don't be surprised if it all has to be redone either (as hiring a web designer to do my website one fine Mercury retrograde period taught me. It. was. horrible.)
Since I've been tracking Mercury's retrograde and what happens in my life I found this: It's a good time to stay low, and sit waaaayy back and just ride out the storm.
Now that I've painted a grey sky, let me say this: It's a fantastic time to go back to projects that you've started and then shelved, reconnect with old friends you've lost contact with and look back on your life with new wisdom and clarity. It's the backward moving energy that facilitates this looking behind you and revisiting aspects of the past.
For me, that means cleaning up my basement, which is a project that has almost gotten done 3 times in the past year and then returns to chaos shortly thereafter. Other than that, I am going to see what happens.
For more information and to see how your particular astrological sign will be affected by the retrograde, check out Susan Miller's website www.astrologyzone.com
Sep 3, 2009
Sep 2, 2009
Ahh....September
September is upon us, friends!
Today I passed a group of Jr. High kids waiting for the bus on their first day of school. Hair neatly groomed, new clothes, nervous and shy.
We all know by this time next week they will be making a lot of noise, flirting and acting their coolest.
Not today though. There was a bit of reluctance and trepidation to the whole thing. Summer's over. *Sigh.* I wanted to run up to them, give them hugs and tell them to HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!
I didn't. (I am not sure if it would be more embarrissing for them or me! I remember being 14 well!) But you dear reader are my captive! Here's to a fabulous September- month of ending, month of beginning, of crisp mornings and sunny days, the return of hot cider and pumpkin everything, the melancholy of packing away the shorts and the flip-flops and the joy of snuggling into a big fuzzy sweatshirt.
There is gloriousness in the impermanance of it all, the fleeting moments of exquisite beauty, and the transition between summer and autumn. Gently we are led into the colder months of the year... but let's stay focused on today!
HAVE A GREAT ONE!
Today I passed a group of Jr. High kids waiting for the bus on their first day of school. Hair neatly groomed, new clothes, nervous and shy.
We all know by this time next week they will be making a lot of noise, flirting and acting their coolest.
Not today though. There was a bit of reluctance and trepidation to the whole thing. Summer's over. *Sigh.* I wanted to run up to them, give them hugs and tell them to HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!
I didn't. (I am not sure if it would be more embarrissing for them or me! I remember being 14 well!) But you dear reader are my captive! Here's to a fabulous September- month of ending, month of beginning, of crisp mornings and sunny days, the return of hot cider and pumpkin everything, the melancholy of packing away the shorts and the flip-flops and the joy of snuggling into a big fuzzy sweatshirt.
There is gloriousness in the impermanance of it all, the fleeting moments of exquisite beauty, and the transition between summer and autumn. Gently we are led into the colder months of the year... but let's stay focused on today!
HAVE A GREAT ONE!
Sep 1, 2009
Aug 31, 2009
Recession 101:B
The balm to recession panic bandit strikes again on another Minneapolis billboard!
Recession 101:
Bill Gates created Microsoft during a recession.
So, there you have it, all of you out there with a dream! No reason why today can't be your day!
Aug 30, 2009
Bust Loose!
I read Busting Loose from the Money Game by Robert Scheinfeld about 2 weeks ago. I inhaled it. I bought it and 24 hours later it was done! Now I am going through it again, bit by bit, with a highlighter and making notes. It's consciousness technology for money basically, and will eat you up and spit you out. It will be your mind on drugs (remember those fried egg anti-drug commercials from the 80's?). You will hate it or love it, or both. But you will never be the same.
Due to my Matrix Energetics education and practice, it wasn't too much of a stretch since my boat left the harbor long ago, if you know what I mean. Yet it's raw power to transform and create a massive shift in not only your financial world but your entire life is stunning.
It had me feeling nervous for a few days. Then I said "Bring it on!" in the spirit of Rocky Balboa. (There's me, running in grey baggy sweats, up stairs and *gag* drinking raw egg smoothies.)
Since reading the book, lots of things have been breaking in my world. 4 (4!) kitchen appliances- rice cooker, blender, electric tea kettle, and stick blender. (I only have my toaster oven and food processor left.) Then my car broke! All fabulous opportunities to reclaim power as the author asserts. It's funny because I've had this metaphor rolling around in my head the past few weeks about how sometimes you need to completely chop the plant down to it's roots to get rid of the sickness. I was not thinking about it in my financial world, but I guess I was getting prepped.
Does this sound horrible or exciting to you? Read the book, if you dare! (Wah-ha-ha-ha!) Let's compare notes!
Due to my Matrix Energetics education and practice, it wasn't too much of a stretch since my boat left the harbor long ago, if you know what I mean. Yet it's raw power to transform and create a massive shift in not only your financial world but your entire life is stunning.
It had me feeling nervous for a few days. Then I said "Bring it on!" in the spirit of Rocky Balboa. (There's me, running in grey baggy sweats, up stairs and *gag* drinking raw egg smoothies.)
Since reading the book, lots of things have been breaking in my world. 4 (4!) kitchen appliances- rice cooker, blender, electric tea kettle, and stick blender. (I only have my toaster oven and food processor left.) Then my car broke! All fabulous opportunities to reclaim power as the author asserts. It's funny because I've had this metaphor rolling around in my head the past few weeks about how sometimes you need to completely chop the plant down to it's roots to get rid of the sickness. I was not thinking about it in my financial world, but I guess I was getting prepped.
Does this sound horrible or exciting to you? Read the book, if you dare! (Wah-ha-ha-ha!) Let's compare notes!
Aug 29, 2009
Big Loser
I am in the process of losing weight- 25 pounds to date! It feels awesome.
Having cleared and released the majority of issues in my life that contributed to the weight in the first place, naturally I arrived at this point. (Though don't get me wrong: there is always more power to be reclaimed and things to release as they rise to the surface. Healing is not a destination, it's a journey.) Now I am in the deeply profound experience of learning to love myself and create new healthy, feel good outcomes for myself now that all my energy isn't going towards hiding from myself who I really am.
One thing I've noticed is that it is all about alignment. Because I am feeling aligned with my authentic self, there is no reason to overeat anymore. What a breath of fresh air!
You can substitute being fat for anything in this context: gambling, cigarettes, binge drinking, sex, getting high, or any of those other things we all have done to distract ourselves. It just so happens that food is cheap, legal and easy to get a hold of, which is why it's the drug of choice in America. Lots of us get hooked young: it's a rare 5 year old who has access to a pack of cigarettes and a fifth of whiskey to numb her mind.
Unless you are Drew Barrymore. But I digress.
I'm just saying: there is a light and it just keeps getting brighter.
Having cleared and released the majority of issues in my life that contributed to the weight in the first place, naturally I arrived at this point. (Though don't get me wrong: there is always more power to be reclaimed and things to release as they rise to the surface. Healing is not a destination, it's a journey.) Now I am in the deeply profound experience of learning to love myself and create new healthy, feel good outcomes for myself now that all my energy isn't going towards hiding from myself who I really am.
One thing I've noticed is that it is all about alignment. Because I am feeling aligned with my authentic self, there is no reason to overeat anymore. What a breath of fresh air!
You can substitute being fat for anything in this context: gambling, cigarettes, binge drinking, sex, getting high, or any of those other things we all have done to distract ourselves. It just so happens that food is cheap, legal and easy to get a hold of, which is why it's the drug of choice in America. Lots of us get hooked young: it's a rare 5 year old who has access to a pack of cigarettes and a fifth of whiskey to numb her mind.
Unless you are Drew Barrymore. But I digress.
I'm just saying: there is a light and it just keeps getting brighter.
Aug 28, 2009
Aug 27, 2009
Tales from the Minneapolis Matrix
Back in July I wrote about the Matrix Energetics seminar in Minneapolis. I was pleasantly surprised when I hit the site a few days ago to see photos from the seminar posted. It brought back happy memories and there are some CRAZY photos of Dr Bartlett playing with seminar participants- all taken with a normal camera by Mina Bast. (OK, she is a professional photographer, but there was no manipulation going on at all.) Photons phasing in and out of this dimension or.... something! (The fun is not having to know!)
The comment I wrote on the feedback form (albeit anonymous) was posted too! How can I claim anonymousness? Well, anyone who knows me well will recognize my exuberant stream of consciousness style of writing! Check it out at http://www.matrixenergetics.com/ontour/.
The comment I wrote on the feedback form (albeit anonymous) was posted too! How can I claim anonymousness? Well, anyone who knows me well will recognize my exuberant stream of consciousness style of writing! Check it out at http://www.matrixenergetics.com/ontour/.
Aug 26, 2009
Shattering the Limits
Book report time! A few weeks ago I read The Spontaneous Healing of Belief: Shattering the Paradigm of False Limits by Gregg Braden.
As a Matrix Energetics Practitioner, I am no stranger to exploring quantum reality, which is the foundation for this book's theme. What I loved about it was how well quantum physics were explained in a simple and linear manner- no easy feat when discussing quantum mechanics! If you want to dive down the rabbit hole, this is a nice and gentle one to start with!
Braden has got this great metaphor of the Universe operating like a giant computer. Essentially, the author postulates, if you know the computer code, you can rewrite the program (if you don't like what is currently running). That carries a ton of power when you play with that idea.
Hint: The code is found in our beliefs... but I don't want to spoil it for you! This and so much more wait for you should you choose to crack open the book and a new paradigm for interacting with your life!
As a Matrix Energetics Practitioner, I am no stranger to exploring quantum reality, which is the foundation for this book's theme. What I loved about it was how well quantum physics were explained in a simple and linear manner- no easy feat when discussing quantum mechanics! If you want to dive down the rabbit hole, this is a nice and gentle one to start with!
Braden has got this great metaphor of the Universe operating like a giant computer. Essentially, the author postulates, if you know the computer code, you can rewrite the program (if you don't like what is currently running). That carries a ton of power when you play with that idea.
Hint: The code is found in our beliefs... but I don't want to spoil it for you! This and so much more wait for you should you choose to crack open the book and a new paradigm for interacting with your life!
Aug 25, 2009
Recession 101
I saw another billboard posted by the same person/organization as mentioned in the July post "Change your Thoughts, Change your Life". It said:
Recession 101:
No one can repossess your future.
I am so intrigued, and I love it! If anyone knows who is behind this, let me know!
Aug 24, 2009
Universe: 3, Me: 1
I love it when I get set up.
I've noticed this pattern in my life: I get a "thought" in my mind that I turn around for a few days, and keep coming back to. I may even write it down in a notebook or on the fridge. (My fridge has got a piece of poster board on it for just this purpose!) For example, a few days ago I wrote "Every time I feel discomfort it is an awesome opportunity to reclaim my power."
Then I bump into that message again in a book (or 3, because I always have a few going at once). The original thought will be expounded upon in much greater detail. (Case in point: A key point in Busting Loose from the $ Game book is built upon the idea of reclaiming power.)
Then I will find the message again "live"- ie, spoken out loud- like I did at Lake Harriet Spiritual Community this Sunday- but with a slight variation to give me additional insight. It can be overhearing a conversation, something I catch on the TV, a movie or elsewhere. (But who's limiting the Universe's creativity to make it's point?)
At this point, I am really paying attention! The message is everywhere! And.... guess what? Just to make sure I get the chance to really explore and play with the concept, it shows up! (Like my experience of being in discomfort this weekend!)
So I buckle up, and begin the process of really getting it. Then I notice how other people start to come into my world reflecting this concept back to me. Me + what I need to integrate = noticing it everywhere.
It is such a miraculous process, and it's happening all the time now. It's like the Universe (or Higher Self, as you will) says, Hey you! Break free from this limitation you have! It's not working for you! Then I am gently led through the steps until I come to a point of grace and calibration. Then I am off to the next thing. (No rest for the ascending! LOL)
I love the sense I have that everything is perfectly guided and how good it feels to just trust and go with the flow of things.
Maybe you feel it happening too. We are all going through shifts and a quickening of energy these days. It's so exciting!
I've noticed this pattern in my life: I get a "thought" in my mind that I turn around for a few days, and keep coming back to. I may even write it down in a notebook or on the fridge. (My fridge has got a piece of poster board on it for just this purpose!) For example, a few days ago I wrote "Every time I feel discomfort it is an awesome opportunity to reclaim my power."
Then I bump into that message again in a book (or 3, because I always have a few going at once). The original thought will be expounded upon in much greater detail. (Case in point: A key point in Busting Loose from the $ Game book is built upon the idea of reclaiming power.)
Then I will find the message again "live"- ie, spoken out loud- like I did at Lake Harriet Spiritual Community this Sunday- but with a slight variation to give me additional insight. It can be overhearing a conversation, something I catch on the TV, a movie or elsewhere. (But who's limiting the Universe's creativity to make it's point?)
At this point, I am really paying attention! The message is everywhere! And.... guess what? Just to make sure I get the chance to really explore and play with the concept, it shows up! (Like my experience of being in discomfort this weekend!)
So I buckle up, and begin the process of really getting it. Then I notice how other people start to come into my world reflecting this concept back to me. Me + what I need to integrate = noticing it everywhere.
It is such a miraculous process, and it's happening all the time now. It's like the Universe (or Higher Self, as you will) says, Hey you! Break free from this limitation you have! It's not working for you! Then I am gently led through the steps until I come to a point of grace and calibration. Then I am off to the next thing. (No rest for the ascending! LOL)
I love the sense I have that everything is perfectly guided and how good it feels to just trust and go with the flow of things.
Maybe you feel it happening too. We are all going through shifts and a quickening of energy these days. It's so exciting!
Aug 23, 2009
Aug 22, 2009
Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall
My baby/toddler (16 months already!) is such a wonderful teacher.
Case in point: We have a silver Mexican mirror on the wall, with an arm chair directly below it. Anytime someone sits in the chair, she runs over and demands to be lifted up. Once in your lap, she then goes wild until she is propelled up high enough (a bicep exercise as she weighs 23 lbs) to see her reflection in the mirror.
Upon sighting herself, she begins to smile and laugh. It makes her so happy! Any mirror, any time- when she sees her cute little face and pudgy baby body she is full of delight and grins.
Why don't we do that for ourselves? Why is it so hard to look, really look into our own eyes in the mirror? I remember in years past catching sight of myself in the mirror at a party or a restuarant bathroom and really looking and thinking- oh my God, is that me?!? Lots of self help books say to greet yourself in the mirror, smile, and say hey! it's going to be a great day! to the reflection staring back at you. (Contrary to the usual where did that wrinkle come from? Is that a zit? My hair sucks! I am so fat! etc)
You can do some of your most profound healing work in the mirror. I forgive you, I love you, I accept you.
That's some of the toughest work to do. But I promise, the rewards are great once you break through and start connecting with the person looking back at you.
Once upon a time we were pleased as punch to see ourselves in the mirror- no judgement, no scrutiny, just radical acceptance and joy. My daughter models it for me multiple times daily. She's teaching and reminding me. I want to really get it so that I can model it for her when the going gets tough- or 8- and we can buoy each other up, faces lifted to the mirror, loving the image we see in front of us.
Case in point: We have a silver Mexican mirror on the wall, with an arm chair directly below it. Anytime someone sits in the chair, she runs over and demands to be lifted up. Once in your lap, she then goes wild until she is propelled up high enough (a bicep exercise as she weighs 23 lbs) to see her reflection in the mirror.
Upon sighting herself, she begins to smile and laugh. It makes her so happy! Any mirror, any time- when she sees her cute little face and pudgy baby body she is full of delight and grins.
Why don't we do that for ourselves? Why is it so hard to look, really look into our own eyes in the mirror? I remember in years past catching sight of myself in the mirror at a party or a restuarant bathroom and really looking and thinking- oh my God, is that me?!? Lots of self help books say to greet yourself in the mirror, smile, and say hey! it's going to be a great day! to the reflection staring back at you. (Contrary to the usual where did that wrinkle come from? Is that a zit? My hair sucks! I am so fat! etc)
You can do some of your most profound healing work in the mirror. I forgive you, I love you, I accept you.
That's some of the toughest work to do. But I promise, the rewards are great once you break through and start connecting with the person looking back at you.
Once upon a time we were pleased as punch to see ourselves in the mirror- no judgement, no scrutiny, just radical acceptance and joy. My daughter models it for me multiple times daily. She's teaching and reminding me. I want to really get it so that I can model it for her when the going gets tough- or 8- and we can buoy each other up, faces lifted to the mirror, loving the image we see in front of us.
Aug 21, 2009
The Blessing of Broccoli
A little angel showed up at my front door the other night. I was sick, so I toyed with the idea of not answering, despite all the lights being on, the music playing and a front window shade up. But how rude is that? So I answered the door, and this girl explained that she is my neighbor and had been out at the farm picking produce all day. Would I like some free corn and broccoli?
Would I ever! I was a bit shocked- someone coming by at 9 p.m. to give me food? I live in a pretty liberal neighborhood in Minneapolis near the University so we have lot of visitors at the door working for socio-economic-political change, and I expected her to want a signature or pledge or something. Besides, it was too late in the evening for the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
She pulled her little wagon up to my door and let me pick out what I wanted- ears of corn and beautiful broccoli and leaves. Then she asked if I would be a drop off spot for her next week- could she leave a box or two of produce at my home to share with other people? Of course! I was still a little sick, and it was so surreal- a neighbor in the big city, wearing overall shorts, with a sunburned nose running around in the dark giving away veggies. I thanked her and put my bounty in the fridge. Then I realized:
This is how we feed the world.
The concept is ridiculously simple. Hello neighbor, I have this excess. Would you like it? Could you use more next week, do you have other people who could benefit? I will share what I have with you.
Amen. It all starts at home and I have the blessing and privilege to see it in the microcosm of my life. What would it be like to apply that to the greater macrocosm of our world?
Would I ever! I was a bit shocked- someone coming by at 9 p.m. to give me food? I live in a pretty liberal neighborhood in Minneapolis near the University so we have lot of visitors at the door working for socio-economic-political change, and I expected her to want a signature or pledge or something. Besides, it was too late in the evening for the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
She pulled her little wagon up to my door and let me pick out what I wanted- ears of corn and beautiful broccoli and leaves. Then she asked if I would be a drop off spot for her next week- could she leave a box or two of produce at my home to share with other people? Of course! I was still a little sick, and it was so surreal- a neighbor in the big city, wearing overall shorts, with a sunburned nose running around in the dark giving away veggies. I thanked her and put my bounty in the fridge. Then I realized:
This is how we feed the world.
The concept is ridiculously simple. Hello neighbor, I have this excess. Would you like it? Could you use more next week, do you have other people who could benefit? I will share what I have with you.
Amen. It all starts at home and I have the blessing and privilege to see it in the microcosm of my life. What would it be like to apply that to the greater macrocosm of our world?
Aug 20, 2009
The Love Challenge
There's a post-it bandit at our house. He's been leaving notes all over the place, but mainly on the doors. These notes proclaim sweet love and devotion (in Spanish!) not only for me, but for the baby too. There's just something special about hearing you are the stars that illuminate someone's journey in a sexy latin language- though in any language it's a great proposition!
I talked to my mother yesterday and she said she always remembers hearing about couples trying to outdo each other with kindness. I'd heard that one too (probably from her!) but it was a great reminder.
So let's start an all out love contest! It is amazing how things can shift with a little effort and a few sweet gestures. Tell the ones you love that you love them (and don't forget yourself!)
I talked to my mother yesterday and she said she always remembers hearing about couples trying to outdo each other with kindness. I'd heard that one too (probably from her!) but it was a great reminder.
So let's start an all out love contest! It is amazing how things can shift with a little effort and a few sweet gestures. Tell the ones you love that you love them (and don't forget yourself!)
Aug 19, 2009
The Sickness Connection
I've been out with a cold for the last few days. I had lots of time to lay in bed ( I had no energy to do much more) and read and sleep. It was, for all intents and purposes, kind of nice. Having the chills, feeling weak and coughing up a lung or two were not so nice, but there is something comforting about being sick. The soup, the extra attention from family and friends, sleep, glorious sleep, cups of tea delivered to the room, letting the chores slide....
I can see how some people may "need" their illnesses to fulfill certain aspects of their life that are not getting enough attention!
Like getting attention. Or rest. (How many times have I called in sick from school or work because I was exhausted?) Maybe sickness serves in not having to take a risk, or face up to a perceived "harsh" reality. There are as many different ways that illness can serve us as there are people.
It's an interesting observation, and one I make without judgement. My illness allowed me to realize how I hadn't been nurturing my body very well, read The Practical Guide to Astral Projection (Whoopee!), finish a few other books I had started, and definitely catch up on rest. I was spoiled ridiculously by my partner, and had a sweet cuddling session with my girl who was sick too. (Anyone with toddlers knows cuddling while awake is a rare bird. Since walking she is always on the go.) I also have taken the concept of how illness serves (which was an intellectual one for me) and crystallized it (now I know deeply).
One thing I know for sure, illness, sickness or dis-ease is always a sign that something is not right. Our bodies are magnificent vehicles that consistently send us messages via warning lights- consistently ignored they develop in a sort of breakdown. It's a perfect system and I am grateful for this experience to focus more on assessing when I need a tune-up.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to blow my nose.
I can see how some people may "need" their illnesses to fulfill certain aspects of their life that are not getting enough attention!
Like getting attention. Or rest. (How many times have I called in sick from school or work because I was exhausted?) Maybe sickness serves in not having to take a risk, or face up to a perceived "harsh" reality. There are as many different ways that illness can serve us as there are people.
It's an interesting observation, and one I make without judgement. My illness allowed me to realize how I hadn't been nurturing my body very well, read The Practical Guide to Astral Projection (Whoopee!), finish a few other books I had started, and definitely catch up on rest. I was spoiled ridiculously by my partner, and had a sweet cuddling session with my girl who was sick too. (Anyone with toddlers knows cuddling while awake is a rare bird. Since walking she is always on the go.) I also have taken the concept of how illness serves (which was an intellectual one for me) and crystallized it (now I know deeply).
One thing I know for sure, illness, sickness or dis-ease is always a sign that something is not right. Our bodies are magnificent vehicles that consistently send us messages via warning lights- consistently ignored they develop in a sort of breakdown. It's a perfect system and I am grateful for this experience to focus more on assessing when I need a tune-up.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to blow my nose.
Aug 14, 2009
Dances of Universal Peace
A month or so ago at Lake Harriet Spiritual Community we had a guest speaker who orchestrated the Dances of Universal Peace. He explained briefly Sufism, which shed light on the practice of the Whirling Dervishes, who dance their way to an open heart. The entire "sermon" was participatory as he taught us a very simple practice.
The first dance we did was to face a partner and look into their eyes. (This itself is an incredibly powerful exercise, and you can try it for yourself. I am always amazed at what a sacred experience it is to look deeply into "the windows of the soul". It sometimes makes me nervous, which sheds light onto areas that I need to heal.)
Then we sang "The light is in everything." while moving our hands from the crown of their head and down the sides of of our partner's body. Then, our hands went to our heart and opened outward as we sang "The love in everybody." Then we bowed deeply to our partner with arms crossed over our chest, first to the left, then to the right while singing "Hu, Allah, Hu, Allah, Hu". (Allah, he explained, means God in many languages and is not limited to Islam.)
The groups of partners were arranged in a circle, so when we finished, we moved on the next partner (like a sacred square dance!). Sometimes only the men sang, other times only the women. Then we joined voices- quieter, louder, in a whisper. It was beautiful!
My memory may not be spot on for the dance moves (I've got 2 left feet) or the words (I didn't write it down). What I remember is the magnificent experience of being completely present while giving and receiving blessing with a complete stranger. Many times I teared up because it felt so powerful and authentic to not only acknowledge the Divine in my partner, but to have it reflected back to me, in me.
You can learn more at www.dancesofuniversalpeace.org
The first dance we did was to face a partner and look into their eyes. (This itself is an incredibly powerful exercise, and you can try it for yourself. I am always amazed at what a sacred experience it is to look deeply into "the windows of the soul". It sometimes makes me nervous, which sheds light onto areas that I need to heal.)
Then we sang "The light is in everything." while moving our hands from the crown of their head and down the sides of of our partner's body. Then, our hands went to our heart and opened outward as we sang "The love in everybody." Then we bowed deeply to our partner with arms crossed over our chest, first to the left, then to the right while singing "Hu, Allah, Hu, Allah, Hu". (Allah, he explained, means God in many languages and is not limited to Islam.)
The groups of partners were arranged in a circle, so when we finished, we moved on the next partner (like a sacred square dance!). Sometimes only the men sang, other times only the women. Then we joined voices- quieter, louder, in a whisper. It was beautiful!
My memory may not be spot on for the dance moves (I've got 2 left feet) or the words (I didn't write it down). What I remember is the magnificent experience of being completely present while giving and receiving blessing with a complete stranger. Many times I teared up because it felt so powerful and authentic to not only acknowledge the Divine in my partner, but to have it reflected back to me, in me.
You can learn more at www.dancesofuniversalpeace.org
Aug 13, 2009
Aug 12, 2009
The X-Men
An ex boyfriend called me the other day. It was great to talk to him. After we had exhausted our how are you's and how's your mother/brother/sister/job/new partner it was time to say goodbye. Again.
During our phone conversation his light really shined! I had forgotten what a magnificent human being he was. Not the best match for me, but beautiful in his own radient way. It was refreshing to reconnect with this, because we all know breaking up is hard to do, and it's a pity that we spend so much time sharing sacred space with another human being, and then we part ways and tend to have bitter residual feelings about the whole deal.
It got me thinking about how love never dies. It always exists, even if it may change form. I have this image of how when we share love (with a friend, family member, lover, pet, or a stranger) we set off these magic sparkles that float between us in a cloud. When the interaction is done- a minute, a month, or a lifetime later- the sparkly love cloud disperses and begins to float up into the universe like a balloon on the loose. There the love continues to exist as tiny particles that energize the great fabric of the universe, forever paying homage to the love that once was.
Here's to you, Mr X- shine on!
During our phone conversation his light really shined! I had forgotten what a magnificent human being he was. Not the best match for me, but beautiful in his own radient way. It was refreshing to reconnect with this, because we all know breaking up is hard to do, and it's a pity that we spend so much time sharing sacred space with another human being, and then we part ways and tend to have bitter residual feelings about the whole deal.
It got me thinking about how love never dies. It always exists, even if it may change form. I have this image of how when we share love (with a friend, family member, lover, pet, or a stranger) we set off these magic sparkles that float between us in a cloud. When the interaction is done- a minute, a month, or a lifetime later- the sparkly love cloud disperses and begins to float up into the universe like a balloon on the loose. There the love continues to exist as tiny particles that energize the great fabric of the universe, forever paying homage to the love that once was.
Here's to you, Mr X- shine on!
Aug 11, 2009
The Polarity Pole
What's been showing up a lot lately for me is the concept of polarity. I've known this concept for years, but it must be time for me to really comprehend it, because I continue to bump into it in my reading of various books, my thoughts, other teachers.
Polarity. Hot/cold, rich/poor, black/white, good/evil, bad/good, male/female, right/wrong, sinner/saint, fat/thin, diet/binge.......
At first glance, the remedy appears to be balance. But there's something a little off (har, har) about balance.
You can always lose it, and slide to one end of the spectrum to the other, landing you smack dab in polarities again.
How to stop the precarious pole dance? Get nuetral. Judge nothing. Be impartial to what you want to label as good or bad, pleasant or terrible. Just be and allow whatever you are observing the honor and the space to exist- even if you don't neccesarily like it.
Easier said than done! It's amazing how we are always looking, labeling, judging and filing. The more I tune into this the more I see how all pervasive it is.
Polarity. Hot/cold, rich/poor, black/white, good/evil, bad/good, male/female, right/wrong, sinner/saint, fat/thin, diet/binge.......
At first glance, the remedy appears to be balance. But there's something a little off (har, har) about balance.
You can always lose it, and slide to one end of the spectrum to the other, landing you smack dab in polarities again.
How to stop the precarious pole dance? Get nuetral. Judge nothing. Be impartial to what you want to label as good or bad, pleasant or terrible. Just be and allow whatever you are observing the honor and the space to exist- even if you don't neccesarily like it.
Easier said than done! It's amazing how we are always looking, labeling, judging and filing. The more I tune into this the more I see how all pervasive it is.
Aug 10, 2009
Better than Red Bull
I was working with a client on some "stuff" using Emotional Freedom Technique and Matrix Energetics. (For the record, "Padma" has given me the permission to share the following nugget.)
Essentially what came forth was that it takes an incredible amount of energy to not be aligned with your true self. Masking your identity, living and believing lies such as "I am not good enough, I am not deserving, I am a failure, etc" are incredibly exhausting. It takes a lot of work to maintain the facade.
It is like paddling upstream against the raging current of the river.
Enter lethargy, depression, and a general malaise about everything.
Not being in your power and aligned with what makes you special (including your dreams) = tired and bored at best. And definitely not fun.
We had a fantastic session. I was blessed to not only facilitate it, but to receive healing myself too. Boats pointed downstream, we headed off into the unknown.
Essentially what came forth was that it takes an incredible amount of energy to not be aligned with your true self. Masking your identity, living and believing lies such as "I am not good enough, I am not deserving, I am a failure, etc" are incredibly exhausting. It takes a lot of work to maintain the facade.
It is like paddling upstream against the raging current of the river.
Enter lethargy, depression, and a general malaise about everything.
Not being in your power and aligned with what makes you special (including your dreams) = tired and bored at best. And definitely not fun.
We had a fantastic session. I was blessed to not only facilitate it, but to receive healing myself too. Boats pointed downstream, we headed off into the unknown.
Aug 9, 2009
Striken by the Clap!
It has been somewhat of an adventure to get my 15 month old to eat raw veggies and fruit. So for the last 3 months or so, I've been putting them on her plate at every meal, and trying, trying, trying again.
Yesterday I decided to try with some lettuce from my salad. The problem isn't her putting it in her mouth, it's keeping it there. So she puts the leaf in her mouth and I immediate start applauding, and making a very big deal about her eating this little piece of green vegetable. She started to clap too, and was pleased as punch to be the center of attention. Papi chimed in his approval too. She ate the piece of letttuce (thank you Jesus!) and I gave her another one. Again, racuous applause.
This went on for 10 minutes.
There we were, laughing our heads off, tears streaming down our faces because it was so ridiculous and so cute at the same time, and my child was eating raw lettuce!!!!! It was a series of blessed and perfect moments, all strung together with a flurry of hands.
It got me thinking- when exactly do we stop wildly applauding our children, our partners, our friends? Why can we do it for babies but not ourselves? Why not go over the top for a seemingly small accomplishment and be proud?
My girl took it all in stride. She accepted our applause, she joined in, and she was thrilled. I have no idea if she will eat lettuce again any time soon or how long the being motivated by clapping stage lasts. (I will guess not long enough.) It doesn't matter.
It was perfect.
Yesterday I decided to try with some lettuce from my salad. The problem isn't her putting it in her mouth, it's keeping it there. So she puts the leaf in her mouth and I immediate start applauding, and making a very big deal about her eating this little piece of green vegetable. She started to clap too, and was pleased as punch to be the center of attention. Papi chimed in his approval too. She ate the piece of letttuce (thank you Jesus!) and I gave her another one. Again, racuous applause.
This went on for 10 minutes.
There we were, laughing our heads off, tears streaming down our faces because it was so ridiculous and so cute at the same time, and my child was eating raw lettuce!!!!! It was a series of blessed and perfect moments, all strung together with a flurry of hands.
It got me thinking- when exactly do we stop wildly applauding our children, our partners, our friends? Why can we do it for babies but not ourselves? Why not go over the top for a seemingly small accomplishment and be proud?
My girl took it all in stride. She accepted our applause, she joined in, and she was thrilled. I have no idea if she will eat lettuce again any time soon or how long the being motivated by clapping stage lasts. (I will guess not long enough.) It doesn't matter.
It was perfect.
Aug 8, 2009
The End
Last night at 3:48 a.m. I finished I'm Perfect, You're Doomed- Tales of a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing. I cracked the book open at 1:00 to read "just a little bit" before bed. I should have known better. I have this game I play- I will read until the end of the chapter. OK, just one more. Another and then I will go to bed. What's this? Only 50 pages left? OK, I am going to finish it tonight.
So I did. I haven't devoured a book like that since The Mistress of Spices was gifted to me (the fabulous S strikes again!) when I was pregnant. Nor have I had the time or energy, I may add. There is a reason why I read mainly non-fiction before bed, and even then it's a toss up.
I digress.
The book takes a downward spiral- fast. The writing is still brilliant, but the story doesn't. It is heartwrenching and terrible, despite the veil of humor and sarcasm it is delivered through. It touches on a lot of issues that are JW/cult specific, like having no idea about how to operate in the real world, social ineptitude, inability to make decisions based on being discouraged from all original thought, and the overwhelming desire to numb it all away when the guilt and the pain become too much.
I remember that no man's land very well- you can't go back because it would be inconceivable to return to prison and yet you have no idea how to go forward because you have no idea who you are, how you feel or what you want. Critical thinking and self knowledge skills are not encouraged and stripped away at their first budding. We were counseled against being independent, haughty, and making decisions without Jehovah God's help. Blinded by the light of freedom you feel paralized by fear, numb and broken.
Kyria's story is well told, honest, and a very accurate picture of the process of "leaving Jehovah". I am so glad she wrote it, as this story needed to be told. I have been wanting to tell it for a while now, and last night, at 3:48 a.m. I realized that my story to share with the world begins exactly where Kyria's leaves off.
The road home.
So I did. I haven't devoured a book like that since The Mistress of Spices was gifted to me (the fabulous S strikes again!) when I was pregnant. Nor have I had the time or energy, I may add. There is a reason why I read mainly non-fiction before bed, and even then it's a toss up.
I digress.
The book takes a downward spiral- fast. The writing is still brilliant, but the story doesn't. It is heartwrenching and terrible, despite the veil of humor and sarcasm it is delivered through. It touches on a lot of issues that are JW/cult specific, like having no idea about how to operate in the real world, social ineptitude, inability to make decisions based on being discouraged from all original thought, and the overwhelming desire to numb it all away when the guilt and the pain become too much.
I remember that no man's land very well- you can't go back because it would be inconceivable to return to prison and yet you have no idea how to go forward because you have no idea who you are, how you feel or what you want. Critical thinking and self knowledge skills are not encouraged and stripped away at their first budding. We were counseled against being independent, haughty, and making decisions without Jehovah God's help. Blinded by the light of freedom you feel paralized by fear, numb and broken.
Kyria's story is well told, honest, and a very accurate picture of the process of "leaving Jehovah". I am so glad she wrote it, as this story needed to be told. I have been wanting to tell it for a while now, and last night, at 3:48 a.m. I realized that my story to share with the world begins exactly where Kyria's leaves off.
The road home.
Aug 7, 2009
I'm Perfect, You're Doomed
In true Jehovah’s Witness fashion, a copy of I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed- Tales of a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing by Kyria Abrahams was left silently on my porch, wedged between the screen and the front door. My friend, the fabulous S, also an ex-JW, had left it for me. Since hearing of its existence a week or two ago, I have thought of it often, eager to dive into the tangled web of growing up a Jehovah’s Witness.
It is all at once heartwarming, tragic, hilarious, horrific and sad. Well written, it explains in delicious detail the interior life of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Not just the rules (of which there are too many to mention here) or the rituals (3 weekly meetings + preaching door to door) but the mental processes (henceforth the title). I started reading it last night at 9 and now, 15 hours later I am 200 pages deep.
I started writing my own memoirs of growing up JW a few years ago. I didn’t get too far. How do you describe the incredibly complex reasoning systems with no basis in reality, the twisted view of life, death and the resurrection, and the effect of growing up in a glass bowl, nose pressed to the edge, looking at the world askew and thinking that the end of the world was right around the corner, maybe even tomorrow?
The author does it beautifully. I find myself reading it and wondering if any non JW’s would even get this. It’s so weird! 15 years out, and I have a little distance. And yet… it still feels like comfy (albeit sick-o) slippers, and strangely validating. Yes- this is exactly how it was! I will never need to stumble around trying to explain what it was like to have your every thought and action controlled (or attempted at least), to be a freak at school for not saluting the flag or making Christmas art, worried about mistakenly eating blood or being attacked by demons you let in your house from a garage sale purchase or a Smurf. Fear of dying a horrific death at Armageddon took up plenty of time too. (Concentration camps, fiery streams of lava, and birds pecking your eyes out were all popular images.) Not to mention constantly breathing the thick air of always being scrutinized, judged, and never, ever, EVER good enough. This book explains it all.
It almost seems too bizzare to be real.
So how does it end? I have no idea but I do know writing the book has put the author on the top of the apostate list- even worse than disfellowshipped, worse than the murders and the child molesters- she is slandering Jehovah publicly! I am quite aware that with this blog I am right there next to her. All I can say is Spread the Word!
By the way, if any non JW’s choose to read this please let me know what you think. I am dying for a “worldly” opinion. (Pun not intended, but it works!) Read it, shake your head in wonder, and laugh. I am.
It is all at once heartwarming, tragic, hilarious, horrific and sad. Well written, it explains in delicious detail the interior life of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Not just the rules (of which there are too many to mention here) or the rituals (3 weekly meetings + preaching door to door) but the mental processes (henceforth the title). I started reading it last night at 9 and now, 15 hours later I am 200 pages deep.
I started writing my own memoirs of growing up JW a few years ago. I didn’t get too far. How do you describe the incredibly complex reasoning systems with no basis in reality, the twisted view of life, death and the resurrection, and the effect of growing up in a glass bowl, nose pressed to the edge, looking at the world askew and thinking that the end of the world was right around the corner, maybe even tomorrow?
The author does it beautifully. I find myself reading it and wondering if any non JW’s would even get this. It’s so weird! 15 years out, and I have a little distance. And yet… it still feels like comfy (albeit sick-o) slippers, and strangely validating. Yes- this is exactly how it was! I will never need to stumble around trying to explain what it was like to have your every thought and action controlled (or attempted at least), to be a freak at school for not saluting the flag or making Christmas art, worried about mistakenly eating blood or being attacked by demons you let in your house from a garage sale purchase or a Smurf. Fear of dying a horrific death at Armageddon took up plenty of time too. (Concentration camps, fiery streams of lava, and birds pecking your eyes out were all popular images.) Not to mention constantly breathing the thick air of always being scrutinized, judged, and never, ever, EVER good enough. This book explains it all.
It almost seems too bizzare to be real.
So how does it end? I have no idea but I do know writing the book has put the author on the top of the apostate list- even worse than disfellowshipped, worse than the murders and the child molesters- she is slandering Jehovah publicly! I am quite aware that with this blog I am right there next to her. All I can say is Spread the Word!
By the way, if any non JW’s choose to read this please let me know what you think. I am dying for a “worldly” opinion. (Pun not intended, but it works!) Read it, shake your head in wonder, and laugh. I am.
Aug 6, 2009
Contractual Healing
Today I was reading an article in The Edge about how essentially we need to heal our sexual wounds to align with the energy shifts that are taking place. http://soulofthecities.net/2009/06/coming-energy-shifts/
I would say that we need to heal our sexual wounds period, because being wounded is a) no fun b) non productive and c) limiting to the enjoyment of life.
I know, because I too, was sexually abused as a child.
The author made a comment in regards to the contracts that we take out when we choose to come to the Earth plane, and experiencing difficulty of any sort is one way that we facillitate growth. Perpetuating difficulty is another element of entering into contracts with others. Some people go through their entire life being mean, nasty and rude because that's the role they have choosen to play, to help those around them work through whatever issues they want to explore.
I know, right? That's quite a concept. And it applies to everyone, including (I am going to make it personal here) the person who abused me. Wow. As a Divine being, he choose to perpetuate this act with profound and deep implications for both of our souls to experience growth.
It sheds new light on the subject, and also opens a space for various feelings: compassion (imagine agreeing to do something that would hurt another's soul, and knowing it would cause soul damage to you too!), forgiveness (it is easier to let things go when you know the person was acting in your interests or honoring your wishes), and gratitude (the final stage of healing- knowing that everything is working out perfectly, none of our experiences are in vain, and can serve us well if we allow them too).
The discussion of contracts is long and wide. So too is healing from abuse of any sort. These statements might sound crazy to you, or they may make you angry. I know I would have thrown the laptop across the room a few years ago if someone would have dared to suggest that I was a victim of sexual abuse because I wanted to experience growth and had signed up for it. It would have pissed me off for days.
But healing is funny- it can't be pegged and refuses to sit in a box. It is fluid and dynamic and can happen all at once, or in layers, as old hurts are pulled away, and new insights take their place. It is different for everyone.
Whatever stage you are in of your healing, I honor you and send love to light your way.
I would say that we need to heal our sexual wounds period, because being wounded is a) no fun b) non productive and c) limiting to the enjoyment of life.
I know, because I too, was sexually abused as a child.
The author made a comment in regards to the contracts that we take out when we choose to come to the Earth plane, and experiencing difficulty of any sort is one way that we facillitate growth. Perpetuating difficulty is another element of entering into contracts with others. Some people go through their entire life being mean, nasty and rude because that's the role they have choosen to play, to help those around them work through whatever issues they want to explore.
I know, right? That's quite a concept. And it applies to everyone, including (I am going to make it personal here) the person who abused me. Wow. As a Divine being, he choose to perpetuate this act with profound and deep implications for both of our souls to experience growth.
It sheds new light on the subject, and also opens a space for various feelings: compassion (imagine agreeing to do something that would hurt another's soul, and knowing it would cause soul damage to you too!), forgiveness (it is easier to let things go when you know the person was acting in your interests or honoring your wishes), and gratitude (the final stage of healing- knowing that everything is working out perfectly, none of our experiences are in vain, and can serve us well if we allow them too).
The discussion of contracts is long and wide. So too is healing from abuse of any sort. These statements might sound crazy to you, or they may make you angry. I know I would have thrown the laptop across the room a few years ago if someone would have dared to suggest that I was a victim of sexual abuse because I wanted to experience growth and had signed up for it. It would have pissed me off for days.
But healing is funny- it can't be pegged and refuses to sit in a box. It is fluid and dynamic and can happen all at once, or in layers, as old hurts are pulled away, and new insights take their place. It is different for everyone.
Whatever stage you are in of your healing, I honor you and send love to light your way.
Aug 5, 2009
The Amazing Amazon
I am remembering today the Amazon jungle.
So alive, leaves bursting ripe, air hot and wet. Heavy it was, napes drenched, skin dripping, and lungs full. I loved it there. The million shades of green, the layers upon layers of foliage, a cacophony of sounds that was nothing but peaceful.
The trees with ancient roots, space within to create a house. The endless sky. It is rather, and quite indescribable.
Sometimes I think we get caught up in our self improvement projects. We make it a to do list- heal this, let go of that, create this and manifest that. And then there are places, magical spaces where you just show up and are healed and are in perfect harmony with All That Is.
Aug 4, 2009
A Crash Course
On Sunday at Lake Harriet Spiritual Community the topic was conflict resolution. I have to admit, I missed that set of skills as a child. I grew up in a "my way or the highway" household. As a peacekeeping Libra, I didn't even dare create conflict.
This beautiful woman got up and shared an experience she had, based on 2 simple and yet so powerful questions from A Course in Miracles:
Is it love or a cry for love?
Do I want to be right or be happy?
She came home after school very excited to see her mother. "Hi Mom!" Her mother replied with "You're looking fat." She paused, weighing (no pun intended!) the situation. (Do I want to be right? Or happy? Is this a cry for love, or love?) and said "You are right. I think I have gained some weight. Now that you mention it, things are fitting a little tighter. But look at you! You look fabulous! How do you do it?"
WOW. I am so inspired by that story. I am pretty sure that I would not meet the "you are fat" comment with the same grace. Or even come close to it.
Today I got a perfect opportunity to try it out for myself with my partner. No, he didn't tell me I was looking fat, but he did take something I said personally because I didn't say it in a way that he needed to hear it. Instead of getting into ALL OF THAT STUFF, I just said, "I am so sorry I said it wrong. I will say it this way next time. Let's do things differently next time."
It worked beautifully.
This beautiful woman got up and shared an experience she had, based on 2 simple and yet so powerful questions from A Course in Miracles:
Is it love or a cry for love?
Do I want to be right or be happy?
She came home after school very excited to see her mother. "Hi Mom!" Her mother replied with "You're looking fat." She paused, weighing (no pun intended!) the situation. (Do I want to be right? Or happy? Is this a cry for love, or love?) and said "You are right. I think I have gained some weight. Now that you mention it, things are fitting a little tighter. But look at you! You look fabulous! How do you do it?"
WOW. I am so inspired by that story. I am pretty sure that I would not meet the "you are fat" comment with the same grace. Or even come close to it.
Today I got a perfect opportunity to try it out for myself with my partner. No, he didn't tell me I was looking fat, but he did take something I said personally because I didn't say it in a way that he needed to hear it. Instead of getting into ALL OF THAT STUFF, I just said, "I am so sorry I said it wrong. I will say it this way next time. Let's do things differently next time."
It worked beautifully.
Aug 3, 2009
Yin-Yang
I love this saying I read once in a Buddhist Meditation magazine:
You are perfect exactly the way you are.
And you could use a little work.
Aug 2, 2009
Sweep it Away!
Every once in a while I will be in the middle of some mundane activity like washing dishes or vacuuming and I will drop in and eavesdrop on my thoughts. I have become pretty good at paying attention to my thoughts and guiding them to where I want my conciousness to reside (in love, peace, transformation, gratitude, abundance) and away from the gunk (fear, criticism, absence of love, negativity, lack). There is always room for improvement, and moments in which I am not aligned with love. It's all part of the journey and a wonderful opportunity to move back to where I want to be- feeling good.
The other day I was sweeping and realized that sometimes I dredge up critical comments that people have made about me or invent criticisms I think they might be saying or thinking about me right now. While that is a) not useful to staying in the present moment, it is also b) ridiculous. This I know.
What I didn't realize is that I do this when I am being critical of me. It's like I was looking for a scape goat to voice my cricism so I could feel bad about what someone else said (and not necessarily what I say about myself). It is always triggered by me wanting to self criticise. By moving a few layers deeper, I can find what I am upset with myself for.
What I love about my work is that when there is a pattern that doesn't belong, it can be easily shifted with a variety of tools that I use to facillitate healing on all levels: emotional, spiritual, physical and mental. Since it's all connected anyway, one affects all the others. Talk about a rich opportunity to practice what I preach! So right there in the middle of the dining room floor with broom in hand, I used Matrix Energetics to release the pattern.
These days, I am feeling softer with myself, more forgiving, and less willing to invest energy in labeling what I do (or don't do). When memories of crappy statements from myself or others surface I tell myself only I can decide if they are true or not. (This echoes the magnificant work The Four Agreements, which I have a hankering to reread again.) Since I know that I am always changing, nothing sticks anymore.
I am rubber, you're glue...
The other day I was sweeping and realized that sometimes I dredge up critical comments that people have made about me or invent criticisms I think they might be saying or thinking about me right now. While that is a) not useful to staying in the present moment, it is also b) ridiculous. This I know.
What I didn't realize is that I do this when I am being critical of me. It's like I was looking for a scape goat to voice my cricism so I could feel bad about what someone else said (and not necessarily what I say about myself). It is always triggered by me wanting to self criticise. By moving a few layers deeper, I can find what I am upset with myself for.
What I love about my work is that when there is a pattern that doesn't belong, it can be easily shifted with a variety of tools that I use to facillitate healing on all levels: emotional, spiritual, physical and mental. Since it's all connected anyway, one affects all the others. Talk about a rich opportunity to practice what I preach! So right there in the middle of the dining room floor with broom in hand, I used Matrix Energetics to release the pattern.
These days, I am feeling softer with myself, more forgiving, and less willing to invest energy in labeling what I do (or don't do). When memories of crappy statements from myself or others surface I tell myself only I can decide if they are true or not. (This echoes the magnificant work The Four Agreements, which I have a hankering to reread again.) Since I know that I am always changing, nothing sticks anymore.
I am rubber, you're glue...
Aug 1, 2009
ZLB me!
Here's a little story that I remembered when I drove past the ZLB Plasma Donation Services the other day.
I used to donate plasma and participate in medical research studies. Two years ago, I found myself fired (a-hem, dismissed) and not a whole lot of $ in the bank. I decided to start donating plasma again because it would buy groceries and daily essentials for me while I was looking for work.
I went to ZLB (I didn't have a car in those days, so I took two buses to get there) and after an hour wait was informed that I hadn't donated in so long that I need to re-establish my account and bring in a Social Security card and proof of address (which I didn't have with me). Slightly discouraged I returned home with plans of coming back the next day.
My next attempt was foiled when I arrived with documents in hand but was told that they were closing early that day for in-house training and had just taken the last donors of the day. Grrrrr.
Take 3- I had a friend's car that day, and drove (such a treat in those days when I lived downtown and didn't have a car) to ZLB. The parking lot was full. I asked the angels to get me a parking spot in the very busy and full lot. The angels never have failed me at parking spots. I waited and waited and nothing. I drove around a few minutes looking for another spot around the block. Usually, the angels need a max of 2 or 3 minutes for a spot. They are pretty fast. Yet, nothing. I waited about 10 minutes.
Then I realized how incredibly blocked I had been in my attempts. It was like no matter what, I couldn't get it together to donate plasma. 3 times in a row! "OK angels, if I am not supposed to be here, then let me know!" No sign did come, except neither did a parking spot. So I left, a little frustrated but not willing to fight against the current that wasn't allowing me to donate either. I had already spent a lot of time and energy trying to make it work.
2 weeks later I found out that I had been a week pregnant.
I used to donate plasma and participate in medical research studies. Two years ago, I found myself fired (a-hem, dismissed) and not a whole lot of $ in the bank. I decided to start donating plasma again because it would buy groceries and daily essentials for me while I was looking for work.
I went to ZLB (I didn't have a car in those days, so I took two buses to get there) and after an hour wait was informed that I hadn't donated in so long that I need to re-establish my account and bring in a Social Security card and proof of address (which I didn't have with me). Slightly discouraged I returned home with plans of coming back the next day.
My next attempt was foiled when I arrived with documents in hand but was told that they were closing early that day for in-house training and had just taken the last donors of the day. Grrrrr.
Take 3- I had a friend's car that day, and drove (such a treat in those days when I lived downtown and didn't have a car) to ZLB. The parking lot was full. I asked the angels to get me a parking spot in the very busy and full lot. The angels never have failed me at parking spots. I waited and waited and nothing. I drove around a few minutes looking for another spot around the block. Usually, the angels need a max of 2 or 3 minutes for a spot. They are pretty fast. Yet, nothing. I waited about 10 minutes.
Then I realized how incredibly blocked I had been in my attempts. It was like no matter what, I couldn't get it together to donate plasma. 3 times in a row! "OK angels, if I am not supposed to be here, then let me know!" No sign did come, except neither did a parking spot. So I left, a little frustrated but not willing to fight against the current that wasn't allowing me to donate either. I had already spent a lot of time and energy trying to make it work.
2 weeks later I found out that I had been a week pregnant.
Jul 31, 2009
Butterfly Blessing
Here is a post I wrote while in Italy- thinking I would add a photo of where I had been. Alas, it has not yet made it to my computer, but the shifts in my life have certainly started to show up! For one, I am in the midst of a crazy clean and organize streak, much akin to those that soon to be mothers go through in the nesting phase (the obsession part) and the usual spring cleaning (the methodical part). Except it's late July. And I am not pregnant. I think this post may have something to do with it, because I have come to notice that every really big transformation in my life is accompanied by wild cleaning and dumping of things that don't serve me. Read on, and laugh: You get what you ask for!
While standing on the terrace overlooking the Mediterranean I had a moment. In short, I asked for change. There was the glorious sea in front of me. Endless possibility. There were my dreams. There is the space between the here and the there I wish to traverse. I know where I am going, and I observe shifts that must happen in my life to allow them to happen. For a long time I had a knowing, but I was afraid of the change required to allow it in. To surrender.
Surrender. Hear that word with me now. Ssss- ren-der. Feel the exhale, the round softness, the grounded peace at the end of the word. Surrender. . .
Then a butterfly appeared and lined itself up with my heart on the wall. I know the butterfly is the symbol of transformation, which is a wonderful affirmation that my prayer was heard. I asked my winged messenger what more it had to say... and it closed its wings. Surprisingly, the underside was the same color as the brick wall, and camouflaged itself perfectly. And there it sat, holding itself still, just being, blending in with where it was. The message was clear. Just be where you are. As I watched it in appreciation and felt my breath and surrendered to the moment, I thanked it. And off it flew into endless possibility.
While standing on the terrace overlooking the Mediterranean I had a moment. In short, I asked for change. There was the glorious sea in front of me. Endless possibility. There were my dreams. There is the space between the here and the there I wish to traverse. I know where I am going, and I observe shifts that must happen in my life to allow them to happen. For a long time I had a knowing, but I was afraid of the change required to allow it in. To surrender.
Surrender. Hear that word with me now. Ssss- ren-der. Feel the exhale, the round softness, the grounded peace at the end of the word. Surrender. . .
Then a butterfly appeared and lined itself up with my heart on the wall. I know the butterfly is the symbol of transformation, which is a wonderful affirmation that my prayer was heard. I asked my winged messenger what more it had to say... and it closed its wings. Surprisingly, the underside was the same color as the brick wall, and camouflaged itself perfectly. And there it sat, holding itself still, just being, blending in with where it was. The message was clear. Just be where you are. As I watched it in appreciation and felt my breath and surrendered to the moment, I thanked it. And off it flew into endless possibility.
Jul 30, 2009
A Perfect Day
Here's my dream day, everyday :
- Wake up lazily in bed, turn on the coffee part and crawl back in bed. When coffee is done, pour a cup and return to bed, lavishly pondering and creating the day.
- Meditate and visualize the most fabulous life I can conjure up with gratitude for what I have in the now.
- Do an hour or so of yoga or go for a run.
- Shower, using yummy products for body and hair.
- Breakfast a la Europa (bread, tea, yogurt, muesli, egg, etc).
- Open the Akashic Records and ask questions like "What do I need to know about today?" and whatever else intrigues me.
- See clients, write, and/or work on one of my many creative projects.
- Take a break and do a self balancing and healing Reiki session, which may or may not end up in a nap.
- A wonderful meal involving some sort of international cuisine made with mostly healthy, organic and local foods. (Mostly, because international and local are seemingly at odds.)
- A few minutes to just sit and be and watch the sun set.
- A journaling session to record what I felt, saw, and experienced during the day.
- Reading time.
- Sleep.
Well, that's a lot to do in one day. Even when I was single, living alone, and unemployed I couldn't do all that stuff in one day. Now I am in partnership, have a child and a lot more responsibilities. It seems like life is like a balloon- if you grab and squeeze it in one place it bulges out in another. If I clean my house from top to bottom one day, that means that I won't have time to do something else I'd like to do.
For a long time this felt very wrong to me, and I felt wrong because I couldn't get it all done- time for my family, myself, to cook healthy meals, exercise, clean the house, be creative, and work. Not to mention hang out with my fabulous friends. Whew! I get tired just thinking about it.
I realized where this came from the other day. Drum roll... it was my upbringing! My mother could never sit still and relax. She grew up on a farm, with crops and animals and 10 kids. Also, I was reared Jehovah's Witness. Added to her ingrained work habits we JWs had a mental programming directed towards never losing your vigilance. Ever. Phrases like "Keep your eyes on the prize!" "Walk with a Purpose!" and metaphors about drifting boats that found themselves alone in the middle of the ocean were par for the course. We were counseled about becoming complacent, ambivalent and lackadaisical. Yes, those words exactly. Whole sermons on being lackadaisical, I kid you not. There was a holy race to be run and if you didn't keep at it, all of the time, you were as good as an "unbeliever" and we all knew what what going to happen to them- yep, the old 1-2, pow in the kisser- death at Armageddon!
Unraveling from these unhealthy ideas took some time. It still amazes me when I catch myself pushing and recenter myself again, how all pervasive these ideas can be. It's OK to stop and call it a day or just sit and do nothing all day.
With that, I think I am going to take a nap.
Jul 29, 2009
From the Mouth of an Earth Angel
Spread love everywhere you go.
Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
-Mother Teresa
I've been bumping into that message a few times this week. Once on TV commercial, on a card I noticed at the coffee shop, and in a magazine article. So typical of the Mother Teresa-isms that say
be the light of your world, smile frequently, start the change at home! A nice reminder in the days of so much to do, so little time, road construction, economic stress, and what do you mean there's been a small mishap with the car? Love is where it's at my friends!
Jul 28, 2009
Change your Thoughts, Change your Life!
I saw a billboard yesterday that really caught my attention and got me thinking. It said
RECESSION 101
RECESSION 101
It's a test, not a final.
I like that. What I find really juicy is that someone is paying a LOT of money to anonymously post this message of goodwill on a board in the Minneapolis/St Paul area. One of my teachers, Dr Richard Bartlett said "Recession = Recess is in!" I don't believe that either comment is meant to disparage those who may be experiencing economic distress or setback because of losing a job or the like, but rather to illuminate a different way of looking at things.
It's an old cliche that you get what you look for. If everywhere you see doom and gloom and proof that life as we know it has gone to hell in a handbasket and isn't it unfair! that is exactly what you are going to find, create and experience in your life. On the other hand, looking for the blessings, the magic, the abundance in whatever you interact with will have you focused on the positive and finding more goodness on every corner.
I know, because I've lived both ways- with a poor me, I am so broke and a victim outlook and a miracle mindset, and I must say, not only is the expectation of goodness a lot less stressful but it is a lot more fun. My life conforms daily to how I am feeling and isn't that wonderful? I am in power, not the media, not the economic forecasters or the banks. Life is as good as I decide it is.
With that thought dear reader, I bid you a succulent and abundance life!
Jul 27, 2009
From Snark to Lark
Yesterday my daughter woke up on the wrong side of the crib, if you know what I mean. On my way to her room I walked through the kitchen and saw that the food I had left out for her daddy (he worked late the night before) had gone untouched and spent the whole night out on top of the stove. Grrr. Maybe it's because I grew up with a germ, virus and boutchulism obsessed parent or maybe because the prior night my partner did not feel that the lentil and veggie soup I had prepared for the nightly meal was sufficent for someone who worked a 12 hour shift (he may have a point), but it left me a little crunchy.
Just like my baby. She didn't want to be held. She didn't want milk. She wouldn't put her cereal in her mouth even though I knew she was hungry. She wouldn't let me feed her and she didn't want to be put on the floor either. Parents and friends of toddlers, you know exactly what I mean. This + food in kithchen = major crank. And my daughter was SHRIEKING! At 7 a.m!Despite my name, I have never been a morning person. It was so overwhelming and so early I just froze- what am I supposed to do? This is waaay to early for this! Then I realized in a flash of motherly inspiration that what my baby needs is love.
So I picked her up and I snuggled her extra close and spoke softly and told her I loved her. She resisted about 2 seconds and then allowed herself to melt. I helped her with her sippy cup and within 5 minutes she was happily munching on her cereal. Whew! Coffee in hand I turned my attention to the bandit who leaves food out at night, and not for Santa Claus or leprahchauns.
My mind did something like this:
Maybe he just needs love too.
But he should know better! We have talked about this before!
Maybe he was too tired to eat.
I am sick of this crap! I had to stop washing dishes to grate cheese for quesadillas because he couldn't see the 3 various blocks of cheese in the fridge to supplement the lentil soup!
That was 2 days ago. He is working hard, you know.
We could get sick! It's a waste of good food!
And so forth.
Finally, the loving self won by playing this trump card:
Why can you easily let go of frustrations with your daughter and give her extra love when she is extra crunchy but you can't do it with your partner?
That's a really good point, Higher Self, thanks. So I swallowed my frustration, said good morning and gave him a heartfelt hug when he stumbled out of his sleep coma and into the morning light. Turns out that the trains were not running on schedule due to yearly maintenence and he didn't get home until 2 a.m. He had to walk from the train station home because there were no buses at that hour. All of a sudden I was glad he ate at work! He didn't call because he didn't want to wake us up.
"By the way," I said, "I made you this food..."
"Oh, gracias mi amor. I will eat it today."
It should be mentioned that in his culture it is no big deal to leave food out overnight (or in most cultures outside of the US, I may add).
So I find myself thinking this: what if when all people are cranky/mean/upset they just need extra love? Why not, I mean we are all just a bunch of kids on the great playground of earth anyway, right? So that crabby lady in the bank line might be going through a divorce. Or the guy that cuts everyone off in traffic might have found out his best friend has cancer. Maybe they never got any attention as a child unless they were loud and naughty and now they are older and they haven't learned any other way to interact.
What if we could help turn it around by a smile, a small gesture of kindness or giving them the space they need to be a schmuck without judgement? Even if they are wouldn't-touch-that-with-a-ten-foot-pole out of line, you can still ask the angels/God/Universe/Mother Earth to help them out if you are so inclined.
This is one little way that we help to change the world. Try it yourself and you'll see- the person who instantly feels better is you! And it can make all the difference in the world to the other person, even if you don't notice it at all.
Just like my baby. She didn't want to be held. She didn't want milk. She wouldn't put her cereal in her mouth even though I knew she was hungry. She wouldn't let me feed her and she didn't want to be put on the floor either. Parents and friends of toddlers, you know exactly what I mean. This + food in kithchen = major crank. And my daughter was SHRIEKING! At 7 a.m!Despite my name, I have never been a morning person. It was so overwhelming and so early I just froze- what am I supposed to do? This is waaay to early for this! Then I realized in a flash of motherly inspiration that what my baby needs is love.
So I picked her up and I snuggled her extra close and spoke softly and told her I loved her. She resisted about 2 seconds and then allowed herself to melt. I helped her with her sippy cup and within 5 minutes she was happily munching on her cereal. Whew! Coffee in hand I turned my attention to the bandit who leaves food out at night, and not for Santa Claus or leprahchauns.
My mind did something like this:
Maybe he just needs love too.
But he should know better! We have talked about this before!
Maybe he was too tired to eat.
I am sick of this crap! I had to stop washing dishes to grate cheese for quesadillas because he couldn't see the 3 various blocks of cheese in the fridge to supplement the lentil soup!
That was 2 days ago. He is working hard, you know.
We could get sick! It's a waste of good food!
And so forth.
Finally, the loving self won by playing this trump card:
Why can you easily let go of frustrations with your daughter and give her extra love when she is extra crunchy but you can't do it with your partner?
That's a really good point, Higher Self, thanks. So I swallowed my frustration, said good morning and gave him a heartfelt hug when he stumbled out of his sleep coma and into the morning light. Turns out that the trains were not running on schedule due to yearly maintenence and he didn't get home until 2 a.m. He had to walk from the train station home because there were no buses at that hour. All of a sudden I was glad he ate at work! He didn't call because he didn't want to wake us up.
"By the way," I said, "I made you this food..."
"Oh, gracias mi amor. I will eat it today."
It should be mentioned that in his culture it is no big deal to leave food out overnight (or in most cultures outside of the US, I may add).
So I find myself thinking this: what if when all people are cranky/mean/upset they just need extra love? Why not, I mean we are all just a bunch of kids on the great playground of earth anyway, right? So that crabby lady in the bank line might be going through a divorce. Or the guy that cuts everyone off in traffic might have found out his best friend has cancer. Maybe they never got any attention as a child unless they were loud and naughty and now they are older and they haven't learned any other way to interact.
What if we could help turn it around by a smile, a small gesture of kindness or giving them the space they need to be a schmuck without judgement? Even if they are wouldn't-touch-that-with-a-ten-foot-pole out of line, you can still ask the angels/God/Universe/Mother Earth to help them out if you are so inclined.
This is one little way that we help to change the world. Try it yourself and you'll see- the person who instantly feels better is you! And it can make all the difference in the world to the other person, even if you don't notice it at all.
Jul 26, 2009
My Little Sister- Sortof
A few weeks ago I attended a Matrix Energetics seminar and I was "playing" with a friend. She adjusted something in my field to allow me to relate to my daughter differently- like a sister instead of a mother. (If adjusting someone's field sounds a little weird to you, don't worry. It's just trying to put language on an aspect of healing. You can learn more about it by reading about subtle energy fields.)
Now that was a very interesting thing to have happen because I come from a lineage of mothers who abandon emotionally and disown their daughters. To my knowledge, I am the third generation for this to occur. My grandmother emotionally disowned my mother when she became a Jehovah's Witness. I was 2 at the time. I was raised as a JW, but was disfellowshipped (excommunicated) when I was 19. My mother cut off all ties with me. So I've always had this feeling that I absolutely must break this destructive cycle with my daughter.
My daughter is beautiful and magnificent in her innocent perfection. (Although she is quickly becoming a precocious toddler and her innocence is fading fast as she tests her-and my- limits! LOL). I cannot imagine disowning her for a second. I also do not want her to feel like she has to mother me because I cannot show up for myself first and be healed. (Another element of the matriarchal lineage I come from.)
I keep coming back to this concept of interacting with my baby girl like a sister. Whenever I do, I immediately shift to another place with her- I want to crawl around on the floor and play with her, dress her up and celebrate her sweetness in a way I don't when I am just being mom. I am so much more relaxed and my adult responsibilities just melt away while I enjoy being present with her.
A lot of us have mother wounds, and a few of us are motherless daughters and sons. Having children of your own is one way the Universe propels us toward healing. There's no greater arena than in your own home with your own children to feel immeasurable love and experience healing as you create a new story for yourselves and your loved ones.
Now that was a very interesting thing to have happen because I come from a lineage of mothers who abandon emotionally and disown their daughters. To my knowledge, I am the third generation for this to occur. My grandmother emotionally disowned my mother when she became a Jehovah's Witness. I was 2 at the time. I was raised as a JW, but was disfellowshipped (excommunicated) when I was 19. My mother cut off all ties with me. So I've always had this feeling that I absolutely must break this destructive cycle with my daughter.
My daughter is beautiful and magnificent in her innocent perfection. (Although she is quickly becoming a precocious toddler and her innocence is fading fast as she tests her-and my- limits! LOL). I cannot imagine disowning her for a second. I also do not want her to feel like she has to mother me because I cannot show up for myself first and be healed. (Another element of the matriarchal lineage I come from.)
I keep coming back to this concept of interacting with my baby girl like a sister. Whenever I do, I immediately shift to another place with her- I want to crawl around on the floor and play with her, dress her up and celebrate her sweetness in a way I don't when I am just being mom. I am so much more relaxed and my adult responsibilities just melt away while I enjoy being present with her.
A lot of us have mother wounds, and a few of us are motherless daughters and sons. Having children of your own is one way the Universe propels us toward healing. There's no greater arena than in your own home with your own children to feel immeasurable love and experience healing as you create a new story for yourselves and your loved ones.
Jul 25, 2009
Goddess Night
Last night I had the honor of attending the Sacred Paths Center Goddess Night as their guest healer. The theme for the night was exploring the Midwife Archetype which embodies an aspect of the Divine Feminine. The Midwife represents easing transitions for ourselves and others. Having given birth 15 months ago with a skilled team of nurses, midwives and a doula gave me a wonderful reference point for this aspect of feminine energy.
The Midwife historically is a sage and wise woman. She is in tune with the cycles of the moon and woman, the changing of the seasons, and intimate with the phases of pregnancy and childbirth. She has vast knowledge of plants and herbs to heal, and the rythms of life and death. She draws up energy from the Mother Earth Goddess through her feet planted firmly on the ground and has her head and arms lifted to embrace the sky. The place where heaven and earth meet is in her heart, where she confidently resides. She knows when to be still, to listen and wait, and when to act quickly. She is sustained and nourished by her connection to Earth and those whom she serves.
This powerful and confident Midwife energy is a part of all of us. When we feel inspired to lend a helping hand to another, to listen to friend going through a difficult time or make an anonymous gift to someone who has need, we are a channel for this Divine mothering and nurturing energy to flow through. Sometimes we find it easier to notice and act upon the needs of others and we forget the most important person of all to nurture- ourselves!
You can work with this sacred feminine energy by asking yourself the following questions:
What phase of my life am I in?
What am I transisitioning away from?
What magnificent things await me?
What can I release to ease my transition?
What talents and strenghts do I have to assist me on my journey?
Is it a time of go within, to rest and heal, or a time to act boldly with confidence?
Know that this wonderful healing feminine energy is always available to you because it is part of you. Permitting ourselves to take time and receive replenishes and nurishes our spirit, which in turn allows us to give from our storehouses of love to others. As we give we create a space within ourselves that has a need to be filled. It is this graceful and life sustaining dance between giving and recieving that we partake of.
A time to give, a time to recieve.
A time to act, a time to be.
May we all celebrate the great Goddess energy that is a part of all of us!
The Midwife historically is a sage and wise woman. She is in tune with the cycles of the moon and woman, the changing of the seasons, and intimate with the phases of pregnancy and childbirth. She has vast knowledge of plants and herbs to heal, and the rythms of life and death. She draws up energy from the Mother Earth Goddess through her feet planted firmly on the ground and has her head and arms lifted to embrace the sky. The place where heaven and earth meet is in her heart, where she confidently resides. She knows when to be still, to listen and wait, and when to act quickly. She is sustained and nourished by her connection to Earth and those whom she serves.
This powerful and confident Midwife energy is a part of all of us. When we feel inspired to lend a helping hand to another, to listen to friend going through a difficult time or make an anonymous gift to someone who has need, we are a channel for this Divine mothering and nurturing energy to flow through. Sometimes we find it easier to notice and act upon the needs of others and we forget the most important person of all to nurture- ourselves!
You can work with this sacred feminine energy by asking yourself the following questions:
What phase of my life am I in?
What am I transisitioning away from?
What magnificent things await me?
What can I release to ease my transition?
What talents and strenghts do I have to assist me on my journey?
Is it a time of go within, to rest and heal, or a time to act boldly with confidence?
Know that this wonderful healing feminine energy is always available to you because it is part of you. Permitting ourselves to take time and receive replenishes and nurishes our spirit, which in turn allows us to give from our storehouses of love to others. As we give we create a space within ourselves that has a need to be filled. It is this graceful and life sustaining dance between giving and recieving that we partake of.
A time to give, a time to recieve.
A time to act, a time to be.
May we all celebrate the great Goddess energy that is a part of all of us!
Jul 24, 2009
Booked!
Facebooked that is.
I used to dislike Facebook. Then I got the hang of it and it became OK, then I got bored, then I found Scramble! (I love word games!) and it's been in flux ever since. Recently I took a stroll down Facebook high school lane, and saw all the people I went to school with. WOW. What a trip!
Talk about instantly morphing back into the snarky, critical, self-conscious stage. I caught myself after noticing the same person was on everyone's list of friends. If they graduated from my town, she was their friend. She must be bored! I thought. Then I thought, loooook who's talking! Despite the fact that we were mutually not fans of each other 16 years ago (16!), I have no idea who she is now or how she has changed since being a sophomore.
It was amazing to observe that knee jerk "I wonder what they think of me? I am not cool enough!" line of thought. I hadn't seen many of these people since graduation, and all of a sudden I am imagining conversations about myself that may or may not have occurred. Seriously. My perceptions of what other people may have thought of me as viewed through my filters. Really. Realistically, they probably were too concerned about what everyone else was thinking about them- or didn't give a crap about me.
Thankfully I got a hold of myself rather quickly and reigned it in. I even befriended a few people and some of them friended me back. It has been a week now and I have forgotten most of who I befriended in the first place and if they haven't friended me back, it's OK.
I think there's a place on Facebook where you can check out everything you've done on the site, but who has time?
At the 10 year reunion the organizers asked the question what have you been up to since high school? Someone wrote that high school was the worst experience of her life and she had suffered horribly because of the endless teasing and ostracism for being different. She was scarred emotionally and had moved on to a better life, F'you all! The reunion committee printed her letter in the Where are They Now? booklet they put together.
It's mind boggling how cruel high school can be. I don't know anyone who doesn't have a horror story or two. Everyone wanted to fit in, to simultaneously be independent and unique, and not care about it at all. Of course we all cared about being accepted desperately.
So here's a shout out, a thumbs up and a HELL YEAH! to surviving high school. If you are reading this and dreaming of freedom when you graduate and can get out of town and finally be you, let me tell you- it always gets better.
I used to dislike Facebook. Then I got the hang of it and it became OK, then I got bored, then I found Scramble! (I love word games!) and it's been in flux ever since. Recently I took a stroll down Facebook high school lane, and saw all the people I went to school with. WOW. What a trip!
Talk about instantly morphing back into the snarky, critical, self-conscious stage. I caught myself after noticing the same person was on everyone's list of friends. If they graduated from my town, she was their friend. She must be bored! I thought. Then I thought, loooook who's talking! Despite the fact that we were mutually not fans of each other 16 years ago (16!), I have no idea who she is now or how she has changed since being a sophomore.
It was amazing to observe that knee jerk "I wonder what they think of me? I am not cool enough!" line of thought. I hadn't seen many of these people since graduation, and all of a sudden I am imagining conversations about myself that may or may not have occurred. Seriously. My perceptions of what other people may have thought of me as viewed through my filters. Really. Realistically, they probably were too concerned about what everyone else was thinking about them- or didn't give a crap about me.
Thankfully I got a hold of myself rather quickly and reigned it in. I even befriended a few people and some of them friended me back. It has been a week now and I have forgotten most of who I befriended in the first place and if they haven't friended me back, it's OK.
I think there's a place on Facebook where you can check out everything you've done on the site, but who has time?
At the 10 year reunion the organizers asked the question what have you been up to since high school? Someone wrote that high school was the worst experience of her life and she had suffered horribly because of the endless teasing and ostracism for being different. She was scarred emotionally and had moved on to a better life, F'you all! The reunion committee printed her letter in the Where are They Now? booklet they put together.
It's mind boggling how cruel high school can be. I don't know anyone who doesn't have a horror story or two. Everyone wanted to fit in, to simultaneously be independent and unique, and not care about it at all. Of course we all cared about being accepted desperately.
So here's a shout out, a thumbs up and a HELL YEAH! to surviving high school. If you are reading this and dreaming of freedom when you graduate and can get out of town and finally be you, let me tell you- it always gets better.
Jul 22, 2009
The Gratitude Journal
I have decided to start a Gratitude Journal.
Remember when Oprah went on Dateline last year and talked to the world about her weight gain? She said that when she got too busy to record her blessings in her Gratitude Journal she started to slip in other areas of her life and she landed in a bag of chips. Not refocusing on gratitude daily was the beginning. (Way to go Oprah for being so honest!)
Well, I've been in a few bags of chips myself lately. And I see remarkable parallels between myself and Oprah. She runs an orphanage, and I have an orphanage I dream of helping in Kerala, India. She loves fabulous female authors, and I do too. She has 14 bathrooms- I love baths! She has a team of advisers and I say "Hello sexy man Micheal Beckwith!" So you see, we are not really so different after all. If it works for Oprah, it can work for me.
Stay tuned.
Remember when Oprah went on Dateline last year and talked to the world about her weight gain? She said that when she got too busy to record her blessings in her Gratitude Journal she started to slip in other areas of her life and she landed in a bag of chips. Not refocusing on gratitude daily was the beginning. (Way to go Oprah for being so honest!)
Well, I've been in a few bags of chips myself lately. And I see remarkable parallels between myself and Oprah. She runs an orphanage, and I have an orphanage I dream of helping in Kerala, India. She loves fabulous female authors, and I do too. She has 14 bathrooms- I love baths! She has a team of advisers and I say "Hello sexy man Micheal Beckwith!" So you see, we are not really so different after all. If it works for Oprah, it can work for me.
Stay tuned.
Jul 21, 2009
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Big news in the astronomy and astrology world: a solar eclipse today! http://sunearthday.nasa.gov/2009eclipse/ I have three words for you dear reader- Change is a'coming!
I've been noticing that it's easier for me to initiate change when I psyche myself up for it, like when I start a diet or a savings plan. However, I find it is more difficult to maintain the momentum and often end up abandoning whatever plans I had carefully made to make over my world in a dramatic way.
Then there are the changes that I sort of sidle up to without even noticing that I am in the process of changing. They occur so organically that it often takes me by surprise when I recognize what has been going on and that a big change is eminent. Once I clue in, I can be rather resistant. As we all know, resistance is futile. Inevitably these are the changes that last.
I used to be a smoker. Oh, did I love my smoky treats! There was a brief phase of Marlboro Reds, a college stint of Light 100's around a certain friend (you know who you are!) and years of good old Marlboro Lights. I wanted to quit (sort of) for a long time. I did (usually) when I was dating a non-smoker. (Until I met up with said friend with the 100's and we would sit and smoke and cluck and smoke. We were smokin' chicks! Ha ha.)
Once I had a boyfriend who HATED smoking. He was a controlling little devil, though in a very subtle way. The first year we were together or so I secretly smoked when he wasn't around. Once he called me and said he was under my patio and I about had a heart attack! If you've ever played the I don't smoke game before, you know it's all about sneaking around, breath mints and a bottle of body spray on hand at ALL times. Not to mention freezing your booty off while your windows are down in the middle of winter, trying to air out your car and your clothes.
I used to have a secret pack at my best friends house. We had planned a trip abroad and I was pretty excited about being able to smoke in freedom. The first morning we arrived I got up and went to sit on the edge of the exquisite backwaters in Kerala. It was 5 a.m. and the most magnificent call to prayer was heard across the water from the nearby temple. I lit up my cigarette to enjoy this perfect moment and inhaled and... it was terrible. Just like all the other cigarettes I had smoked the months prior. A voice deep inside said "this is not who I am anymore." I felt sad. I inhaled again. I felt even worse. Inhale. Lower still. Then I gave up. I surrendered. I snubbed it out with great sadness... and left my pack in the nightstand of that sweet little homestay for the next weary traveler who needed a smoke. (I was still being loyal to the smoking brotherhood, I guess.)
I haven't been a smoker since.
That really big change snuck up on me. It manifested itself in the least expected moment. The signs were there of course, but I chose to ignore them. Eventually I couldn't tune out what my heart and spirit had been saying for a long time. Deeply emotional and spiritual changes are like that.
These days I am trying to embrace change more. The only thing that is constant in the Universe is that everything is always changing! I want to make friends with change, welcome it's new face, and dance elegantly with it, like leaves following the lead of the wind.
Which brings me back to the eclipse: they almost always bring change. Ready or not, here they come!
I choose ready.
I've been noticing that it's easier for me to initiate change when I psyche myself up for it, like when I start a diet or a savings plan. However, I find it is more difficult to maintain the momentum and often end up abandoning whatever plans I had carefully made to make over my world in a dramatic way.
Then there are the changes that I sort of sidle up to without even noticing that I am in the process of changing. They occur so organically that it often takes me by surprise when I recognize what has been going on and that a big change is eminent. Once I clue in, I can be rather resistant. As we all know, resistance is futile. Inevitably these are the changes that last.
I used to be a smoker. Oh, did I love my smoky treats! There was a brief phase of Marlboro Reds, a college stint of Light 100's around a certain friend (you know who you are!) and years of good old Marlboro Lights. I wanted to quit (sort of) for a long time. I did (usually) when I was dating a non-smoker. (Until I met up with said friend with the 100's and we would sit and smoke and cluck and smoke. We were smokin' chicks! Ha ha.)
Once I had a boyfriend who HATED smoking. He was a controlling little devil, though in a very subtle way. The first year we were together or so I secretly smoked when he wasn't around. Once he called me and said he was under my patio and I about had a heart attack! If you've ever played the I don't smoke game before, you know it's all about sneaking around, breath mints and a bottle of body spray on hand at ALL times. Not to mention freezing your booty off while your windows are down in the middle of winter, trying to air out your car and your clothes.
I used to have a secret pack at my best friends house. We had planned a trip abroad and I was pretty excited about being able to smoke in freedom. The first morning we arrived I got up and went to sit on the edge of the exquisite backwaters in Kerala. It was 5 a.m. and the most magnificent call to prayer was heard across the water from the nearby temple. I lit up my cigarette to enjoy this perfect moment and inhaled and... it was terrible. Just like all the other cigarettes I had smoked the months prior. A voice deep inside said "this is not who I am anymore." I felt sad. I inhaled again. I felt even worse. Inhale. Lower still. Then I gave up. I surrendered. I snubbed it out with great sadness... and left my pack in the nightstand of that sweet little homestay for the next weary traveler who needed a smoke. (I was still being loyal to the smoking brotherhood, I guess.)
I haven't been a smoker since.
That really big change snuck up on me. It manifested itself in the least expected moment. The signs were there of course, but I chose to ignore them. Eventually I couldn't tune out what my heart and spirit had been saying for a long time. Deeply emotional and spiritual changes are like that.
These days I am trying to embrace change more. The only thing that is constant in the Universe is that everything is always changing! I want to make friends with change, welcome it's new face, and dance elegantly with it, like leaves following the lead of the wind.
Which brings me back to the eclipse: they almost always bring change. Ready or not, here they come!
I choose ready.
Jul 20, 2009
The Great Sock Hop
The Great Sock Hop was held July 21st, at 7:13 p.m. Socks from all walks of life arrived with the hope of finding their sole mate. For some, it was love at first sight- "Another tall brown striped just like me!". Others, after some sizing up, found solace in a similar type, worn in different places, but the same shade of grey. A few had holes beyond repair, and spent the entire time skulking on the periphery. All in all, of the 49 attendees, 28 found their match, and the other 21 marched single file to the tune "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake into sock heaven.
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Why do we do that? No, not write goofy things about all the lost socks that crowd the drawers, but keep them hanging around? Or anything for matter- stained t-shirts (more than one to paint in and to color hair in, exceptions for those with toddlers who finger paint), ripped underwear, mugs with broken handles and games missing pieces?
I could tell you what I think. But so could Suzie Orman! I love Suzie. She's got BALLS. She's super smart, tells it like it is, and gets the emotional side of money too. Suzie says (in her Courage to be Rich book) it is ultimately about being afraid there won't be enough. Fear of scarcity. Most of us grew up with this thinking since our parents or grandparents went through the Great Depression, hoarding string and empty jars and later margarine tubs. It's quite interesting to observe how we pick this stuff up without even realizing it.
Ms. Orman has an exercise to go through your house and THROW OUT ALL THE BROKEN, MISMATCHED, and NOT USED ITEMS NOW. That's right, the off shades of lipstick, the yellow sweater aunt Martha gave you 2 Christmases ago, the bobble head George Bush Jr. the office gave you as a joke. (Ha, Ha, thanks guys...)
This was a great exercise for me. I did it when I was pregnant about 20 months ago. I cleared out bags of junk I didn't even know I had! I am not sure if I missed the socks that time around (possibly, given the hormonal swings and inability to focus I suffered from) or if that many socks had gone missing in the last 20 months (providing further proof that the sock eating monster that lives in the dryer is REAL).
At any rate, it's time to do it again. The sense of satisfaction I got from hosting the Great Sock Hop and reuniting pairs of loved ones incites me to action.
And I can't find anything in my basement again.
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Why do we do that? No, not write goofy things about all the lost socks that crowd the drawers, but keep them hanging around? Or anything for matter- stained t-shirts (more than one to paint in and to color hair in, exceptions for those with toddlers who finger paint), ripped underwear, mugs with broken handles and games missing pieces?
I could tell you what I think. But so could Suzie Orman! I love Suzie. She's got BALLS. She's super smart, tells it like it is, and gets the emotional side of money too. Suzie says (in her Courage to be Rich book) it is ultimately about being afraid there won't be enough. Fear of scarcity. Most of us grew up with this thinking since our parents or grandparents went through the Great Depression, hoarding string and empty jars and later margarine tubs. It's quite interesting to observe how we pick this stuff up without even realizing it.
Ms. Orman has an exercise to go through your house and THROW OUT ALL THE BROKEN, MISMATCHED, and NOT USED ITEMS NOW. That's right, the off shades of lipstick, the yellow sweater aunt Martha gave you 2 Christmases ago, the bobble head George Bush Jr. the office gave you as a joke. (Ha, Ha, thanks guys...)
This was a great exercise for me. I did it when I was pregnant about 20 months ago. I cleared out bags of junk I didn't even know I had! I am not sure if I missed the socks that time around (possibly, given the hormonal swings and inability to focus I suffered from) or if that many socks had gone missing in the last 20 months (providing further proof that the sock eating monster that lives in the dryer is REAL).
At any rate, it's time to do it again. The sense of satisfaction I got from hosting the Great Sock Hop and reuniting pairs of loved ones incites me to action.
And I can't find anything in my basement again.
Jul 19, 2009
Invisibility Experiment 1
I ordered a pizza from Papy Murphy's. I am a fan of the thin crust, it's so flaky and good, and since I love brown cheese on top, I love that I can bake it at home! But I digress.
I order my pizza. I go to the bathroom while waiting. I wash my hands and dry them with a paper towel from the automatic paper towel dispenser machine. I open the bathroom door. I notice that no one else is in the bathroom or the hallway. I look back at the paper towel dispenser. You have to break the infrared beam with movement to get the machine to see you and know a towel is needed. Still no one in the hall. Hmm.
Why not? Time to practice invisibility!
So I go to my heart space and access the Matrix/Force/Grace/Whatever. I imagine my photons phasing out and fading like how the Star Trek people would beam up. I wave my hands in front of dryer-nothing. I change my stance. I wave them up and down and sideways. Nothing. No whrrr, no towel, no-body. I try several more times with the same result. Then I get bored after a while and get my pizza. Which was delicious by the way.
Ha ha! I am on to you Harry Potter!
I order my pizza. I go to the bathroom while waiting. I wash my hands and dry them with a paper towel from the automatic paper towel dispenser machine. I open the bathroom door. I notice that no one else is in the bathroom or the hallway. I look back at the paper towel dispenser. You have to break the infrared beam with movement to get the machine to see you and know a towel is needed. Still no one in the hall. Hmm.
Why not? Time to practice invisibility!
So I go to my heart space and access the Matrix/Force/Grace/Whatever. I imagine my photons phasing out and fading like how the Star Trek people would beam up. I wave my hands in front of dryer-nothing. I change my stance. I wave them up and down and sideways. Nothing. No whrrr, no towel, no-body. I try several more times with the same result. Then I get bored after a while and get my pizza. Which was delicious by the way.
Ha ha! I am on to you Harry Potter!
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