I'm Perfect, You're Doomed

In true Jehovah’s Witness fashion, a copy of I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed- Tales of a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing by Kyria Abrahams was left silently on my porch, wedged between the screen and the front door. My friend, the fabulous S, also an ex-JW, had left it for me. Since hearing of its existence a week or two ago, I have thought of it often, eager to dive into the tangled web of growing up a Jehovah’s Witness.

It is all at once heartwarming, tragic, hilarious, horrific and sad. Well written, it explains in delicious detail the interior life of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Not just the rules (of which there are too many to mention here) or the rituals (3 weekly meetings + preaching door to door) but the mental processes (henceforth the title). I started reading it last night at 9 and now, 15 hours later I am 200 pages deep.

I started writing my own memoirs of growing up JW a few years ago. I didn’t get too far. How do you describe the incredibly complex reasoning systems with no basis in reality, the twisted view of life, death and the resurrection, and the effect of growing up in a glass bowl, nose pressed to the edge, looking at the world askew and thinking that the end of the world was right around the corner, maybe even tomorrow?

The author does it beautifully. I find myself reading it and wondering if any non JW’s would even get this. It’s so weird! 15 years out, and I have a little distance. And yet… it still feels like comfy (albeit sick-o) slippers, and strangely validating. Yes- this is exactly how it was! I will never need to stumble around trying to explain what it was like to have your every thought and action controlled (or attempted at least), to be a freak at school for not saluting the flag or making Christmas art, worried about mistakenly eating blood or being attacked by demons you let in your house from a garage sale purchase or a Smurf. Fear of dying a horrific death at Armageddon took up plenty of time too. (Concentration camps, fiery streams of lava, and birds pecking your eyes out were all popular images.) Not to mention constantly breathing the thick air of always being scrutinized, judged, and never, ever, EVER good enough. This book explains it all.

It almost seems too bizzare to be real.

So how does it end? I have no idea but I do know writing the book has put the author on the top of the apostate list- even worse than disfellowshipped, worse than the murders and the child molesters- she is slandering Jehovah publicly! I am quite aware that with this blog I am right there next to her. All I can say is Spread the Word!

By the way, if any non JW’s choose to read this please let me know what you think. I am dying for a “worldly” opinion. (Pun not intended, but it works!) Read it, shake your head in wonder, and laugh. I am.