Total Eclipse of the Heart

Big news in the astronomy and astrology world: a solar eclipse today! http://sunearthday.nasa.gov/2009eclipse/ I have three words for you dear reader- Change is a'coming!

I've been noticing that it's easier for me to initiate change when I psyche myself up for it, like when I start a diet or a savings plan. However, I find it is more difficult to maintain the momentum and often end up abandoning whatever plans I had carefully made to make over my world in a dramatic way.

Then there are the changes that I sort of sidle up to without even noticing that I am in the process of changing. They occur so organically that it often takes me by surprise when I recognize what has been going on and that a big change is eminent. Once I clue in, I can be rather resistant. As we all know, resistance is futile. Inevitably these are the changes that last.

I used to be a smoker. Oh, did I love my smoky treats! There was a brief phase of Marlboro Reds, a college stint of Light 100's around a certain friend (you know who you are!) and years of good old Marlboro Lights. I wanted to quit (sort of) for a long time. I did (usually) when I was dating a non-smoker. (Until I met up with said friend with the 100's and we would sit and smoke and cluck and smoke. We were smokin' chicks! Ha ha.)

Once I had a boyfriend who HATED smoking. He was a controlling little devil, though in a very subtle way. The first year we were together or so I secretly smoked when he wasn't around. Once he called me and said he was under my patio and I about had a heart attack! If you've ever played the I don't smoke game before, you know it's all about sneaking around, breath mints and a bottle of body spray on hand at ALL times. Not to mention freezing your booty off while your windows are down in the middle of winter, trying to air out your car and your clothes.

I used to have a secret pack at my best friends house. We had planned a trip abroad and I was pretty excited about being able to smoke in freedom. The first morning we arrived I got up and went to sit on the edge of the exquisite backwaters in Kerala. It was 5 a.m. and the most magnificent call to prayer was heard across the water from the nearby temple. I lit up my cigarette to enjoy this perfect moment and inhaled and... it was terrible. Just like all the other cigarettes I had smoked the months prior. A voice deep inside said "this is not who I am anymore." I felt sad. I inhaled again. I felt even worse. Inhale. Lower still. Then I gave up. I surrendered. I snubbed it out with great sadness... and left my pack in the nightstand of that sweet little homestay for the next weary traveler who needed a smoke. (I was still being loyal to the smoking brotherhood, I guess.)

I haven't been a smoker since.

That really big change snuck up on me. It manifested itself in the least expected moment. The signs were there of course, but I chose to ignore them. Eventually I couldn't tune out what my heart and spirit had been saying for a long time. Deeply emotional and spiritual changes are like that.

These days I am trying to embrace change more. The only thing that is constant in the Universe is that everything is always changing! I want to make friends with change, welcome it's new face, and dance elegantly with it, like leaves following the lead of the wind.

Which brings me back to the eclipse: they almost always bring change. Ready or not, here they come!

I choose ready.